Old School!

I am a 21-year-old guy and find myself attracted to older women. My question is, where do I go to meet older women and what can I say that will spark their attention? Most women in the 30-plus range I talk to tell me I am too young or that they would feel like they are sleeping with their sons! Any help on this subject would be greatly appreciated!

Ryan

Any woman who'd turn down a hot young piece like yourself—especially after dating age-appropriate, droopy-assed geezers only capable of getting it up maybe once a night (more if they have a supply of blue boner pills on hand)—has gotta be nuts! (And to stave off the hate mail from the hypersensitive geezer contingent, it goes both ways.)

I love younger men. But at the same time, I loathe children. Theoretically, 21 is the perfect age for a man; you're old enough to vote (and I hope you will!) and, more impor­­tantly, have reached the legal drinking age in every state. The problem I'm guessing you're having is that you dress and carry yourself like a youngster. Dating a younger man is racy and will make all of one's girlfriends drool with envy. Showing up at a party with a loud, baggy-pants-clad, sideways-baseball-cap-wearing child who can't handle his liquor on your arm will quickly turn a gal into a laughingstock.

What you need is a makeover. Find yourself a female hairdresser or an elderly Italian barber and get yourself a decent haircut. Preferably one that doesn't involve a whole lotta product. Buy a well- fitting pair of Levis (not Diesel or Seven or whatever the hell else you kids are wearing these days), a nice white cotton button-up-the-front shirt, and a pair of good black leather shoes. Concentrate on finding a stylish female friend—preferably older—to advise you on more complicated wardrobe items. (I only have room for the basics here.)

I know it can be dull, but start reading the newspaper every day—not just the comics. Develop a taste for a beverage besides beer. Do not ever order a novelty drink. Martinis, acceptable; Slippery Nipples, prepare to die alone.

There is no one place where older women congregate. We (and I proudly count myself among this demographic!) are everywhere. We are online, sitting on the bar stool next to you, and working up a sweat on the elliptical machine in the corner of the gym. Start looking.

As for what to say, accept the fact that any woman you date—especially an elder—is going to be smarter than you. Do not try to compensate for this disparity by yammering on about sports scores or bands she's never heard of. That will just draw her attention to the difference in your ages, and not in a good way. Instead, try listening. You might just learn something. When in doubt, shut your mouth.

I have been dating a guy for about six months now. He is 31 and I am 21. I care about him very much. He always asks me to stay over, but then complains that I am there too much. How do I deal with this? Also, he is very insecure and doesn't really trust me. It's as if when I am not with him he just believes that I am out with another guy, when in reality I will be at home the whole time. I have never lied to him, and he has no reason not to trust me. His ex that he dated for five years slept with all his friends, though. . . . 

Not Sure How to Deal

The fact that your man's ex was a scandalous tramp has absolutely nothing to do with you. See, this is the problem that comes with dating older people (young man who wrote the letter above—you listen to this, too!): We come with an assload of baggage. As you get older, it becomes more and more difficult to be optimistic about relationships. After being cheated on, lied to, and just generally fucked around for a decade or so, there comes a certain amount of bitterness and cynicism. Whereas you and the youngster above are still relatively trusting and sane. Perhaps you two should get together and let us old people be crusty and bitter collectively alone.

Need to unload? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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