Have you ever met someone who reminded you a lot of you? I always thought that it would be great to meet someone who was just like me, but a guy. Well, I guess my wish was granted. He is a wonderful guy, sweet, motivated about life, and sexy (just like me!). But now I seem to be unsure. We aren't seeing each other exclusively, but have been dating and hanging out with friends for almost two months now . . . and we have had sex. But that hasn't stopped me from seeing other people, because in the back of my mind, it seems "too good to be true." At the same time, I've been comparing him to every other guy I have met since, which I know is wrong, and he's the one I enjoy seeing the most.
There isn't a real problem, but I'm questioning my uncertainty that maybe it is relationship suicide to go out with someone who is trying to make the same impression on the world as I am.
My question to you is, do you think it's better to be with someone who is more like you (i.e., same outlook on life, similar past experiences, same personality) or less like you? Am I asking for failure since we act the same way when approaching a relationship (i.e., a little passive-aggressiveness)? That's the problem. Just wondering. . . .
My first thought was that the narcissist lurking within would love to go out with someone as witty and clever and lovely as moi. But then the realist picked up the mirror I was slobbering into and smacked me upside the head with it. Do I really want to date someone who rarely cleans his apartment and is capable of cutting people out of his life with a surgeon's precision? Would someone as financially irresponsible as I make a good boyfriend? Probably not.
It is nice when you meet someone who exhibits all your good traits, but as you're discovering, this also means they generally own a few of your bad ones, as well. I like dating other writers, because they understand deadlines and that the fact that you're sitting around in your underpants doesn't mean you're not working. However, along with that understanding comes a certain competitiveness that isn't very pleasant. See? There's always a trade-off.
Another danger of dating the male version of yourself is that you (OK, I) tend to think you know the other person better than you actually do. I briefly dated someone whom I felt very close to very quickly. We got each other's jokes, read each other's writing, had hours-long conversations that were both challenging and funny . . . he never once bored me. It was lovely. He was lovely. Despite the brevity of our relationship, I felt like I knew him inside and out. Mostly because we were so similar. Turned out I was wrong.
But you sound like a smarter girl than I. You didn't rush into anything and are being cautious about the whole thing. Just don't be too cautious. Finding someone you really care about is a rare thing, regardless of whether or not they share the same personality tics as you. It may be time for a little foolishness.
You had mentioned that the Internet was a good option for meeting like-minded partners. Can you tell me just where on the Internet to go to accomplish that?
Now Fred, you e-mailed this question to me, which suggests at least a minute amount of computer savvy. My question is, how can you not know the answer to this question? There are approximately a bazillion Internet dating sites—including one run by the paper you're holding in your hot little hands. I'll gladly advise you on what to wear on your first date (not that Journey concert tee) or whether or not you should bring her a gift (always!). But I won't hold your hand and find you a woman. Because frankly, if you aren't clever enough to find a dating Web site, you may not deserve to date.
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