I met this girl on New Year's who's only in the country for a year. She's working as a nanny and has a boyfriend back home. They have been together for years and have a really serious relationship. We became friends and he came up in conversation a few times, but when he did, she would usually tell me how she wants a break from him or she'd talk about how she's changing while she's in America and she's not sure if she wants to go back to him.
Well, as she kept talking about breaking up with him, I started considering a relationship with her. She came over to my apartment, and I made dinner for her. After dinner, she asked me if I would kiss her. She hadn't broken up with him yet, and so I didn't know what to say. I hesitated for a second. . . . About 40 seconds later, we were kissing.
When we went out with our friends, we acted like friends, but as soon as we were alone, we held hands or made out. Then she tells me three days ago that this can't happen anymore. Says she needs to be honest with her boyfriend. Yesterday, she text messaged my phone and told me she came clean and they are gonna stay together. What should I do? I'm so attracted to this girl—I am completely crazy about her. I've told her, but she chooses to text message me! Where should I go from here?
American Man Confused About South African Love
Technology does have its downside. It shows a serious lack of manners and a great surplus of cowardice to text message or e-mail such potentially hurtful news. Even a phone call would've been better than that.
You ask where you should go from here, but you know exactly what to do—steer clear of her. I'm sure her confusion is genuine, but that doesn't really help you any, does it? I hate when people tell me crap like I'm about to tell you, but she really did you a favor—she's out of here in a year anyway. Isn't it better to say buh-bye before you get too attached? OK, sure that could've been a year you spent banging the hell out of a really hot South African broad, but look on the bright side. . . . (I'm sure there is a bright side, but damned if I can think of one right now.)
FYI, her waffling has nothing to do with her nationality—I've dated wafflers from New York, Montreal, Maryland, Zurich—they're a worldwide phenom. Beware the waffler!
This next reader takes me to task over my advice to the young lady who tried to seduce a potential paramour with tales of near three-ways and carpet-munching (Dategirl, Feb. 4).
You are such a girl.
If I were on a first date and the broad across the table started talking about possible three-ways and muff-diving, I'd be thinking: SCORE. I'd do my best to keep the conversation focused on sex. My goal would be to get her to talk about it until them panties is just sopping wet.
Your response was all thinking like a girl. His response tells me that either he's not into her or he's a typical Kraut boy.
Speaking of German guys, the only Eurotrash girls I've boinked that actually prefer Amercanski boys are Krauts, Brits, and Rooskies. The Krauts and Brits prefer us because the males of their species are such reserved, uptight, and unimaginative twits that even American guys seem sexy!
Italiano women think we suck in bed, but are ever so grateful that we don't think about our mamas while boinking. The Rooskies like us 'cause we tend to pass out less often and are less prone to beating the crap out of them.
Jim, you charming rascal, how can it be that a gem like you is still single? Yes, it's true, I am in fact a girl—a woman, if you want to get all technical about it. I want to thank you for sharing your most enlightened (and sensitive!) thoughts on cultural differences as manifested within mating and dating rituals. Gracias! (That's español for "thank you!")
Share your thoughts: Write Dategirl at email@example.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.