The Situation: Hot German boy comes to party after semester of flirting; e-mails me the next day wanting to hang out. Set date for the following weekend.
The Date: Hang out at innocuous daytime event, which leads to dinner.
The Dinner: Start trying to hash out what hot German boy's feelings are�friendship or romance? (He's going back in May anyway, don't care.) Relate innocent tale of lesbian experimentalism and almost threesome, which often got other hetero boys interested. Make clear I'm hetero, however.
The Result: Hot German boy leaves somewhat abruptly after dinner. No goodbye kiss, no invite back to his pad. Just goodbye at 7:30, leaving me confused.
Replaying the evening in my head, I can't help but wonder if it was the lesbian comments that got me in trouble here. Granted, they're something I tend to pull out only when I get a little desperate to get a reaction, and usually the reaction is pretty positive. But when you're eating dinner with someone and you still can't figure out what it is they want, sometimes you have to start dropping hints.
My guess is he just wants to be friends or he doesn't want to start something when he's leaving in three months, or maybe he realized halfway through our date that I no longer interested him. Maybe I'll get some clarification later, maybe not.
I'm just wondering, from your perspective, should I bag the lesbian flash card as tawdry?
How would you have felt if midway through dinner with some cute guy you barely knew, he started telling you about the year he spent cock-gobbling his way through Eastern Europe? Or about the time his boarding-school roommate slipped a finger up his bum as he slept? Talking about past sexual experiences (no matter which gender) with someone you're thinking of sleeping with is generally considered in poor taste.
Obviously, you're very young, so you don't know any better, but it's important that you learn this stuff now so you can quit making an ass of yourself. I can't think of anyone on the planet who would be shocked or turned on by an "almost" three-way. What the hell is that? I had three guys over to my apartment a couple weeks back; does that count as an "almost four-way"? What about my bus ride this a.m.? Was that a "near orgy"? I think not.
That you went down on a girl or two might titillate an extremely sheltered frat boy who grew up in a house without cable TV, but most people would see that disclosure for what it is�either a great big snore or a desperate bid for attention. Let's also keep in mind that the guy you're trying to shock outta his drawers with this little tidbit is German. You may or may not know this, but Germans are known for their love of scat play, so if you think a little girl-on-girl action is going to put him over the edge, you've got another thing coming. Those Germans are made of sturdier stuff than that! (OK, I realize that's a completely insane generalization, but in my defense, I am one-quarter German and I did an investigative piece on nation-specific fetishes, and that was Germany's!)
I'm going to share a little info I also have to glean over and over again�most single straight guys don't hang out with single straight girls they are not long-established friends with unless they're interested in them in a naked, sweaty way. I also keep forgetting this rule. Last weekend I was out with this cute young thang, and though we were having a great time, I wasn't sure if he was just being friendly or if his intentions were more prurient in nature. I've been a little off my game lately, so I felt self-conscious about busting a move. Finally he leaned over and kissed me. I was so relieved, I actually yelped "Finally!!!!" as soon as we came up for air.
So yes, retire the retardo near-lesbo shtick and come up with a new rap. Or better yet, just follow your mommy's advice and be yourself.
Off your game? Write Dategirl at firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.