Solving the Nonproblem

I was hoping you would do me a favor. There is this absolutely despicable man with an ego the size of the entire world. There is nothing I would like more than to crush it, or deflate it even just a little bit. This man's name is [name deleted]. He has the smallest penis and the biggest fucking ego.

You know the saying all bark and no bitewell that describes him perfectly. Anything you could do to rip him in your column would be fabulous. If us women stick together, maybe the men of the world will keep those fucking tails between their legs where they belong.

Much love to you sister.

Temporary Man Hater

I know I've gained a man-hater rep, but really, I'm a stupid-hater and your letter's just dumb. That you scribbled it on pink paper decorated with sprites and fairies didn't do much to help your cause. There are far greater crimes than having a tiny dick and a big ego. In fact, I've known many lovely men with just that combination. If you'd told me you walked in on him banging your kid's homeroom teacher or found out he emptied your bank account in order to purchase crack or hookers, I might be a little more sympathetic. But don't go around expecting sisterly solidarity when you don't have the goods to back it up.

I am nearly divorced from a very long marriage. I started dating other men about a month and a half ago. I currently have three boyfriends, and several who want to start dating me. I love the attention, especially not having dated much in my life. The problem is they are all pulling at me, and some want "exclusive" rights or more of my time. I personally am not ready for this, and I have caring feelings for all three. The sex is outrageous, and tender too. Do you have any advice for me, the "virgin" dater?

Too Much Love

I hate you. OK, obviously the first thing I have to do is get these searing pains of envy under control. Three boyfriends? And you've only been dating for a month and a half? Grrrr. (OK, Judy, calm downit hasn't been that long since you last got laid. . . . )

What I would suggest is that you enjoy it while you've got it, because it's not gonna last forever. The reason you have three men clamoring for your loving is precisely because you are uninterested in a relationship. The second you decide you want a boyfriend, you'll be at least half as appealing. This has nothing to do with how cute, smart, or great you are. It's just the law.

Keep telling them that you're not ready for an exclusive relationship, and they can either continue to have fun with you or move on. Be kind but firm. I would avoid conversations about emotions and whatnot. Those are minefields! You were married for a long timesurely you know how to act like a man.

Let's get straight to the point: I'm a pretty popular guya hit with the girls, and I've worked very hard to get there. I do not wanna sound cocky, but I could go out with pretty much any girl at school. The problem is I'm too darn nervous to approach them seriously! It's easy to talk in simple conversation, but for the life of me, I can't ask one out!

Jon

A couple weeks ago, my friend Rich was chatting up this chick at the supermarket. They got to talking, he thought he felt a vibe, and so he asked her to dinner. She just looked at him and said "no." Just like that. No explanation, no apology, no nothing. Short of laughing in your face, that's pretty much the worst thing that might possibly happen to you when you ask a girl out. No. How scary is that? Surely you've lived through worse. I've said this many timesdating is an exercise in humiliation (unless you're the woman in the letter above) and not for the faint of heart. You can spend the rest of your semester dating your right hand and a bottle of Jergens, or you can be a man and get out there.

Get to the point. Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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