Hot Pants!

My girlfriend likes to see me in tight jeans. I would not really have a problem with this, if every other guy had them on. She will buy jeans for me and give them to me for gifts. The jeans she buys for me are always very tight. I told her the way I felt, and she insists that I look great. I have a flat butt, and she claims looser jeans make me look bad and tight jeans give my small butt some shape. I am not overweight, and I do not have a large gut. I am slim. What do you think about this? Will tight jeans for guys become stylish again, like they once were in the past?

Flummoxed by Fashion

I once had a vile, homophobic boyfriend who also happened to be extremely vain. One dayjust to fuck with himI told him every pair of pants he owned made his butt looked lumpy and unattractive. I made up something called "ass pants" and admonished him to buy a pair, pronto. Instead of telling me to piss off (which is what he should've done), he convinced himself that he needed these magical slacks and asked me to go shopping with him.

Mission accomplished. I told him that only stores that catered to the gay consumer would stock such pants. Being deeply homophobic, he was reluctant, but his vanity won out. I then proceeded to take him on a tour of every lycra- hot-pants-selling establishment I could locate. The more over-the-top, the better. Once inside, I'd have him try on a pair of the most hideous trousers I could find and force him to come out of the dressing room and model. The different salesmen (who weren't even in cahoots with me) and I would shake our heads sadly at every single pair.

Um, OK, that has nothing to do with what you asked me. You'll have to forgive me as I've been painting my bathroom and am obviously high on the fumes. You should wear what you feel comfortable in. If you like snug-fitting trousers and your only concern is what other men are wearing, I'd say get over it. Who cares? Straight men are not known for their sartorial savvy. Having a sense of style is not worrying about what the great unwashed deem appropriate, but making what you like work for you. Look around youdo men in droopy cargo drawers and pleated Dockers look good to you? Blech. Dare to be fashion forward. (Or backward.)

I am a 48-year-old man, divorced after 19 years and two wonderful children, and am suddenly becoming oh so sexually aware and needful!

I have had dates with women who enjoy sex but are not as sexually adventurous as I think I am. It's hard (no pun intended) to find a woman who likes anal sex, much less a woman who is willing to experiment. I enjoy lots of things that most women aren't willing to do, and I end up doing things myself. (Boring.) I am in no way interested in gay sex, but I don't mind something up my own ass from time to time.

My question is, how does one go about finding a woman who is willing, able, and clean? Sure I've placed a few ads on some Web sites, but I never get any responses! I'm a tall, attractive guy with a very active wild side!

Any ideas would be welcome!

Horny and Hungry in Puyallup!

Sweet pea, you've got to calm the fuck down. I know you're newly single and raring to go, but most broads aren't gonna give up the brown cherry or whip out the strap-on on the first date. In fact, even if they are a bit kinky, most won't cop to it with someone they've just met. Freakiness is often something you have to work up toslowly and patiently. Your overuse of the exclamation mark leads me to believe you probably come on a little strong with the women you're meeting. Instead of coming off as the leg-humping puppy, practice becoming the sage old owl. You'd be surprised how far into Freakdom you can get if you just learn to finesse.

Willing and able? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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