Horoscopes

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Let your creation achieve independence. Giving what you've made a life of its own that transcends yours is a powerful act, albeit a humbling one. (That Kermit could outlive Jim Henson is beautiful.) Your astounding capacity for transformation and invention means there are many beings, real and imaginary, who owe you for what they've become. Although it's sometimes difficult for both parties to let go of that, you must this week. Frankenstein, wave goodbye to your monster. Let him have his own desires, dreams, relationships, and free will. What you'll lose is someone who's indebted, or even subservient. What you'll gain, when your progeny returns to shake your hand, is adoration, respect, and an equal.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You rarely get second chances. Life is not a video game. When playing Vice City, you can restart the unit as many times as it takes until you beat the game. Out here in the real world, you've almost always got one shot, not as many as you may need. Unfortunately, there are parts of your life that you've unknowingly subjected to a video-game mentality: "Next time around, I'm going to try it differently." Wake up. Do it differently now. Make yourself happy now. Make your life work for you now. If you're not doing what you really want to do right this second, when will you be?

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You are an entire universe unto yourself. Trillions of creatures rely on you for life. Most of them are microscopic bacteria populating parts of your body, either symbiotically or parasitically. But there are also at least a couple slightly larger beings whose emotional galaxies are inextricably intertwined with yours. Each twist of your internal helix of philosophical constellations throws their orbits out of whack. Be aware of that this week. There's nothing inherently wrong or right about the situation, but since the sharp-edged vortices of your darkest thoughts can open gaping black holes in somebody else's soul, you might want to make sure you spawn a few brilliant suns for them, too.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Make sure you bundle up. Chilly winter weather doesn't have to be heinous torture; the difference between misery and contentment is proper insulation. But although the climate's likely to be pretty brisk this week, that's not exactly what I'm talking about. Instead, you should be donning layers of padding between you and the frosty emotional temperatures gusting across your landscape. They could be bracing, even invigorating, or they could be horrible and damaging, depending on how geared up you are. If you're not prepared to wear the mental equivalent of seven layers of cotton, wool, and Gore-Tex, you ought to jump on a plane headed for the equator, fast.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Severe stress makes you want to roll into a ball and hide. Who can blame you? Heed your instincts when they demand you curl up self-protectively. But instead of cowering, roll intrepidly into the difficult situations you're dreading. After all, the quandaries you're shrinking from won't dissolve on their own. Be a ball. Spheres are resilient, and when you're in this cautious emotional stance, threats and weapons headed your way will almost certainly be deflected. Roll with anything else that comes your way, make forward progress whenever you can, and the depressing impediments to your happiness will be behind you at least 10 times sooner than they would've been otherwise.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Try the old-fashioned way first. Whatever you're attempting is more likely to get done, on time, if you do it the tried-and-true way, instead of using the supposedly more efficient modern methods you're contemplating. In this case, ignore the voices of "progress" or "reason" hawking faster, better, or easier ways. Their schemes may often be superior, but not this time. Do it the way you know. Whether the task is writing a book, getting a second date, or screwing someone over, you're better off with a fountain pen, floral bouquet, or voodoo doll than a computer, tattoo, or lawsuit.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

My dog adores cats. He's had this kinky cross-species romance thing going for the whole time I've known him. He'll stand at the window making eyes at the neighbor's cat across the way for as long as she'll sit on the sill staring back at him. You should identify with his star-crossed love this week. Like him, you worship something or someone you shouldn't, and the feelings are somewhat less than mutual. You should resist your massive propensity to take it personally. It's really not about you; it's simply because you're the wrong color, gender, weight, or species. Get over it, or noteither way, stop feeling bad about it, please.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

You're Snow White in the forest. Hold out a finger, and a chirping bird will swoop down to land on it. Starving deer will emerge from their wooded hideouts to nibble from your hand. Unfortunately, being a multifaceted Gemini is a double- (or quadruple-) edged sword. You're just as likely to fry up the songbird for dinner or skin the doe as simply enjoy their company. Similarly, the prince(ss) that comes out of the woodwork in answer to your innocent song of longing may glimpse your equally powerful dark side and run screaming. Don't try to hide your most shadowy urges. Instead, make it your goal to find the royal consort who'd run screaming if you didn't have that dark side.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

I had a dream in which you'd transformed into a polar bear who hunted seals with gleeful and effective violence. I took it to mean that you've recently grown enough snowy white emotional insulation that you can now brave icy and dangerous situations with impunity. Not only that, but you've grown to such massive size and ferocity that you're now the biggest, baddest thing inhabiting the frigid waters you've been swimming in the last couple months. You have nothing to fear for the momentexcept bigger polar bears. Luckily, you can see them from a long way off. So relax, finallyjust don't get cocky, or careless.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Imagine the thrill of finding something as valuable and sentimentally rich as a cache of treasure you hid a decade ago. There's a small likelihood this week that you might uncover a repository of cash and goodies you'd concealed and completely forgotten about. Even more likely, however, is the possibility of digging up heretofore unrecalled wisdom you possessed and discarded ages ago. We're constantly recycling ourselves, becoming new people. One person's trash is another's treasure. You're a different person than you were. Isn't it possible that the junk of your past could be the rich bounty of your present?

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Don't throw yourself out with the garbage. There's every likelihood, as you continue the endless cycle of purging your life of the useless detritus it's accumulated, that you'll accidentally mix your keys, wallet, or cell phone in with the trash. Be careful of that this week, and also of disposing of some of your useful personal qualities, which could get dumped along with the selfishness, pettiness, or self-destructive levels of efficiency you're trying to get rid of. Instead of being forced to chase the garbage truck down your street, demanding to rummage through the rubbish in search of your credit cards or self-respect, simply be careful not to throw them out in the first place.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You're a pancake on a griddle, sizzling in hot oil. It's a little smoky right now, but soon you'll be lathered with the sweet balm of syrup and lovingly devoured, because you've become so delicious. Your trial by fire is necessary, and in fact desirable, since at the end of it you'll be more popular and put-together than you've been for years. Just make sure that the person who'll get the first taste of the new you is worthy of it and will add the right flavors. None of this margarine and fake syrup bullshit. You deserve real butter and maple goodness.

caeriel@yahoo.com

 
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