Honesty, Schmonesty

I just ended a long-term relationship and put my profile on one of the popular dating Web sites. I consider myself to be very attractive, but in all honesty I have listed myself as "a few extra pounds" under the body-type category. I have recent photos posted so as not to mislead any poor unsuspecting man. I am definitely not fat but don't consider myself to be slim/athletic: just borderline average"a few extra pounds."

Here's my gripe: Many of the men who post and respond to me saying they are average in their profile are so not "average" in body type but are truly chunk teddy bears; and many who say they are "a few extra pounds" would most definitely fall into the "big-time beefy" category to most women. And of course they are all looking for a slim to average woman. If I were to use their set of standards for themselves, I would most definitely be "average." But because of my honesty with my girl body-type standards, it takes me out of many search profiles. The sad thing is the cute guys are missing out on one amazing, sexy babe!

Change your ad immediately. That "few extra pounds" category is bullshit. Every woman I know thinks she is at least a few pounds overweight, and most are wrong. You're running photos with your adit's not like these mooks can't see what they're getting into, so just go with "average." It's not like you're misleading anyone. Americans are on average quite stout.

It's no secret that the Girl of Date could do with laying off the fried foods, beer, and Twinkies and hitting the heavy bag a little more regularly, but I'm going to share with you a heartening story. (And all the haters who accuse me of man bashing should listen extra closely.) I've been dating this very thin, handsome guy for a couple months. Nothing serious, but we started sleeping together, and I'm a little self-conscious about the fact that I jiggle much more than he does. One day, we're engaging in a pleasant little butt-naked post-sex chat, when I nonchalantly try to sneak the sheet up over myself. (Ladies, I believe you probably know the move I'm describing.) I think I'm being all sly when Dateboy stops me cold.

"Um, I need to ask you somethingI hope this doesn't upset you."

I immediately brace myself for something embarrassing/excruciating/horrible. (Because those are the kinds of questions that usually follow a disclaimer of this type.)

"Uh, go ahead," I wince.

"Are you trying to cover yourself up? I hope you're not trying to cover yourself up, because I think you're really sexy and I like looking at you."

Oh. (Why don't more men say stuff like that?)

I know men who think a 5-foot-9-inch woman who weighs 110 is average. (P.S., if any of you guys are nodding and thinking, "Yeah, so?" you're WRONG!) Then there are others who prefer a lassie with a little junk in the trunk. What's most important is what you think of yourself.

There's a girl in my acting class who, when asked to tell the class a little something about herself, chose to disclose (to a group of strangers!) that she hates her body so much, she's always conscious of being nakedeven when she's fully clothed. This demented chica has removed all mirrors from her home so she never has to accidentally catch a glimpse of herself in her birthday suit. Good god! It goes without saying that this girl is perfectly cute and not even a little bit fat. What is wrong with our gender? We could do with taking a lesson from the Book of Boymen almost always think they're hotter, thinner, and smarter than they actually are. (Hence their deluded personal ads.) Women almost always think the opposite about themselves.

I guess I'm trying to illustrate that one man's hot is another man's not and vice versa. And if you tell someone you're fat, they'll believe you. So don't. Conversely, if you act like you're the bomb, you are, in fact, the bomb.

Thanks for sharing. Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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