Horoscope

Sept. 1016, 2003

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You're a kid on a swing in a playground. Goaded by your school chums, you've pumped until the chains are buckling at each apex of your arc. Now they're screaming for you to jump. You know you can. You know it would actually feel good, that effortless glide through the air, the exciting tumble to the ground. You even know, in your gut, that you probably wouldn't get hurt. But your fingers won't release! Luckily, you haven't stopped pumping. You're still primed to fly as far and fast as you ever were. You may have missed a few good opportunities already, like when your buddies offered to cushion your fall with their bodies. But you have chances yet left. All you have to do is let go.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Don't freeze up in fear. This week you're likely to encounter a few things that you'd probably rather not experience. They might be pretty unpleasant. But rigidly trying to ignore them or escape them without being touched (mentally or physically) won't work and will just make the situation that much worse. Be open, be loose, be flexible. It's not like the drunken homeless guy (or whatever form the unfamiliar new thing will take) is actually a threat to you, unless bad breath makes you die. Heed what's going on. I promise you'll learn something. You'll probably have a good laugh about it, tooand who doesn't need more of those?

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Lately you've shunned the open, sunny rooms of the mental house you've built; you've crawled into the spaces between the walls, slithered behind radiators, peeped through paintings, and shimmied up chimneys. I appreciate that you're trying to experience all the places between or behind the familiar (slightly tired) ones you've already visited. You're looking for something new, or something old that you might have missed. But the things you're craving are too big to fit into the places where you're looking for them. If you want something grand and beautiful to come live in your house, you can't make room for it in a walk-in closet; you'd better build a whole new addition.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You're being poisoned by your environment. This is besides the toxic vengeance we wreak on ourselves in our sick self-sabotage, like pollution, pesticides, and free radicals. You, specifically, are being sickened (physically or spiritually or both) by your unique living situation. Check for radon, evil roommates, or just an overall sterility that doesn't reflect, stimulate, or amplify the richness of your inner life. Sagittarians are meant to move a lot, to wander and learn and take in a wealth of diverse stimulation. So when you settle down, even for a little while, let alone years, you need to make sure the place you've put roots in has plenty of magic to help you keep growing, or you wither like a plant out of sunlight. Make your environment reflect you and what you believenow. If you can't make that happen, it's time to leave.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You have the power to make a seed sprout just by staring at it. Water boils when you get mad. A kiss from you has enough juju to wake the dead. What to do with this suddenly amplified and concentrated (and hard to control) personal power? Anything you want. The trick is figuring out what you want, fast, before your batteries run back down to normal levels. You're likely to inadvertently manifest the next three wishes you make. I just hope they're things you actually want, not just things you think you want.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Backpedaling Uranus is retreating into your sign this week. What does this mean? Earlier this year, you were a dynamo of power, blowing obstacles from your path with blasts of psychic energy and decisive force. You're not quite so aggressively endowed right now. You're more like a black hole, with infinite gravitational attraction. Whatever you direct your attention at, unless it's firmly rooted in place, will be sucked inexorably toward you and crushed against your iron willor embraced by your open arms. You can't easily control the fact that almost everything will soon be hurtling in your direction. But you can decide what happens to it when it gets there.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

What's the magic word? I'm not talking about some manners bullshit somebody taught you as a kid. I'm talking about the thing you can say that almost always gets you what you want. It could be "Come over and fuck me" or "I know what you did last summer." It could just be "Please." Whatever it is, I know you're careful not to overuse it, lest it lose its effectiveness. But this is no week to pull punches. You need what you need, and you need it now, so do what you gotta do to get it.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

The more you trust, the more your trust will be rewardedmostly. The unfortunate exceptions to this rule, however, teach us distrust so quickly it's scary. Sadly, distrust works the same waythe more you suspect someone, the more likely they are to fulfill your worst expectations. Why do we let the negative experiences have so much more power than the positive ones? Because pain is easier to remember than pleasure. This week, you have a chance to change all that. Your best hopes will yield the best results, as long as you don't give an inch to your worst fears (which are equally likely to become manifest if you do). It's an exercise in faith. Think good thoughts, good shit will happen. Think life sucks? It will.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Frequent laughter is exactly the medicine you need, and you're finally realizing that having fun is more important than some of the other things you've been putting all your energy into. Life is short, and material success might play a factor in your maximum enjoyment of it. But I believe a much greater role in your general happiness can be played by the goofiest people you know. Forget physical sex appeal, financial status, gender, or any of that superficial stufflook to the people who make you laugh best and most often. Invite them deeper into your life. Make room for them and for the fun you'll have. You'll not only live longer as a result, you'll live way, way better.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Where have you gone? Some of your friends are convinced you've fallen down a well somewhere and just can't get cell phone service down there. Maybe you have. From my astrological readouts, it looks like nearly all of the arrows and buckshot headed your way will miss their target. Meanwhile, you're free to concentrate on the introvert-type stuff you've been neglecting. Just don't stay down in your well of solitude for too long. Climb up before week's end or your worst enemies will discover your best hiding place, which just can't happen; you're a sitting duck down there.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Watch your weight. You've suddenly become so receptive that desserts are effectively twice as fattening as usual. That's the downside of your current state. The upside is that you'll be twice as fed by spiritual nourishment. Thus your recent near-starvation diet will seem a little more like a feast. And that's not all. It's just like the universe to throw in a bonus package when you're already reeling with newfound wealth. The full moon in Pisces is likely to throw more than a bone your way; it'll probably toss you a whole steak.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Your psychic in box is full of spam. Your life is rife with useless distractions and annoying reminders of the pettiness you'd rather be free of. You need a better junk-mail filter, but you're not sure how to implement it without shutting out at least some of the people you would like to hear from. Just like no one's figured out a hassle-free way to keep their e-mail box free of porn, there's no easy way to keep your life crap-free. But if you pay attention this week, you should discover at least one way of more effectively screening out the noise and hearing more of the music.

 
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