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The Neptunes Present . . . Clones
(Star Trak)
In these times of perpetual downsizing, here's a thought to warm the cockles of both Henry Ford and Marley Marl: The Neptunes plan to release six singles from their new "professional mixtape" The Neptunes Present . . . Clones. That's two-fifths of the album, which says more about their market domination than anything else. Perhaps grindin' against the inevitable backlash (possibly in the form of the dolled up, neoclassicist boom-bap of up-and-coming hip-hop auteurs Kanye West and Just Blaze), the cheekily titled Clones rolls out another season of 'Tunes tunes with faintly chilling ease. Now that the band's Rolodex includes everyone from Perry Farrell to Beenie Man to Britney Spears, the 10 or so guest stars on Clones (not counting their own test-tube babies like Kelis and Clipse) probably need the Neptunes far more than vice versa. So nth verse, same as the first: beats like giant-sized alphabet blocks, one-finger keyboard melodies, garish synth colors, and immediately legible quotations from the history of mass media. And, of course, Pharrell Williams' chicken arms and falsetto and studied ridiculousness in every third video on MTV's current playlist. (Chad Hugo is apparently too busy actually making the music.) "Frontin'," the current single, is certainly the first emo record with a Jay-Z verse, and it feels like a photocopy of 2001's "Run to the Sun"still wetly entertaining, if verging on the blandness that invariably sets in when concept turns to shtick. You never got the feeling Prince would double over with the giggles when he put his tongue up your ass. JESS HARVELL
N.E.R.D. (aka the Neptunes) and Kelis play the Sprite Liquid Mix Tour at White River Amphitheater, 40601 Auburn Enumclaw Road, Auburn, 206-628-0888, at 4 p.m. Sun., Aug. 17, with O.A.R., the Roots, Talib Kweli, and more. $10-$17.50 adv.
PLAYING ENEMY
Ephemera
(Escape Artist)
The black, bloody midnights of Black Flag and G.G. Allin have passed. If you pay to see a punk/metal/hardcore show tonight, chances are no musician will spit on you, behead you with their guitar, or rub their genitals on your face. In fact, any discomfort one may incur at an aggressive rock show is probably least likely to come from the band. That said, Playing Enemy bassist Shane Mehling gives me pause. He kinda, um, froths onstage, and you can't really trust a rocker who doesn't occasionally stop to wipe down the waterfall. Mehling unloads his ugly, detuned, car-bomb bass lines with the unhinged, oh-shit-what's-he-gonna-do-next contortions of a 28 Days Later pseudo-zombie, which accounts for much of the local trio's live appeal. What about on wax? Since Botch's still- heartbreaking split last June, S-Town's been wondering aloud who's going to bring the introspective, profound, yet tough as Hemingway's balls hardcore/math-rock noise. No Cinderella's gonna slink into those slippers, but a studious listen to the Enemy's somehow epic three-song EP Ephemera should catapult them right up there with Himsa and Harkonen as Seattle's most worthy surrogates. "Must Bring Own Weapon" is a mechanical animal of lurching metallic implosions in which frontman-guitarist Demian Johnston coldly instructs a lust toy to "Wipe yourself off/Your mom is home." The Enemy tackle Pink Floyd, too, covering "You've Got to Be Crazy" with the same swaggering reinvention that Cave In took to Zep's "Dazed and Confused." Wipe off? I'm leaving it on, baby. ANDREW BONAZELLI
Playing Enemy play Graceland at 8 p.m. Thurs., Aug. 14, with Scissorfight and Oldman Gloom. $7.
VARIOUS ARTISTS
Freaky Friday: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
(
Hollywood Records)
The cover tells the whole story. Avril clone: "Mom, you don't understand! I need to express myself by buying a studded belt at Hot Topic, fronting a pop-punk band, and marginalizing riot grrrl aesthetics!" Jamie Lee Curtis: "I was smoking hot in True Lies, and now I look like Janet Reno strung out on heroin. I'm going to oppress your individuality!" God: "These two will only learn to appreciate one another if I temporarily transplant their hardened souls into each other's bodies. Hilarity will ensue, Savage 'n' Reinhold style. Yeah, let's hit that shit." The music that accompanies this story consists of Avril clones probably not playing guitar on slick, heavily palm-muted guitar-pop originals, Avril clones probably not playing guitar on unlistenable '80s covers, pop-punk has-beens playing guitar on unlistenable '80s covers, and Andrew W.K., who will obviously lend his music to any commercial property short of NAMBLA Tunes: Touching Feels Good. American Hi-Fi change the "one, two, fuck you" in "The Art of Losing" to "one, two, one, two" because they're punk as, um, one, two. Warped Tour refugees Bowling for Soup and Simple Plan respectively reinterpret Britney's "Baby One More Time" and the Turtles' "Happy Together" with such uproarious spirit that I haven't eclipsed the 10-second mark on either without vomiting on myself. The attack of the Avril clones is led by Christina Vidal, Lillix, Halo Friendlies, Ashlee Simpson, and Lindsay Lohan, who laughs a little too creepily before asserting, "You're ityou're the ultimate you." Deep? Debatable. Freaky? Freak, yeah! ANDREW BONAZELLI
ROBERT RANDOLPH AND THE FAMILY BAND
Unclassified
(Warner Bros.)
