Sex and the Single Guy

I'm a single, athletic, sexy, 5'10" tall, hazel eyed, financially secured, professionally employed, Southern gentleman in the Seattle/Tacoma area. I am having a difficult time finding a Sexy Single Lady in between the age's of 25 on up to her 30s, who has NO KID'S and Likes Me for Me. I'm in Law Enforcement. I'm in my early 40s, look and feel in my early 30s, and I keep meeting lady's who have one to three kid's. Or I meet lady's (especially the White Lady's) who want nothing to do with me because I'm not a "Black Man."

Four year's ago I moved up hear from N.Y.C., where I met plenty of Sexy Lady's with NO Kid's. I don't have nothing against Black People. When I was in N.Y.C. I use to date an Awesome Puerto Rican Lady, nor do I have anything against kid'sI just don't want to assume someone else's. My job moved me up here for upward (promotion) mobility and because I speak more then one language. I'm single, because I move around in my job. I travel a lot.

Anyway, I need advice. It's getting ridiculous, I'm having to leave the Seattle/ Tacoma area if I want to meet a Single, Sexy Lady. I'd like to reply to one of your Sexy Lady Ad's, but I don't want to be lured into a 1-900 number to meet someone, because being in the field I'm in. . . .

Help Me Find a Sexy Lady in Seattle.

Bob

Holy hellwhere to even begin. . . . First of all, I'm certain the African-American population of the Seattle/Tacoma area is breathing a collective sigh of relief upon learning that you "don't have nothing against" them. Normally I don't print glorified personal ads masquerading as sincere questions, but for you I made an exception. Why? Because I'm grouchy and you're clueless.

It's important to love oneself, but I think you need to love yourself a little less and fix yourself up a little more before inflicting your bad self upon some unsuspecting woman. I'm far less PC than your average broad, but your not-even- remotely veiled racism really raised my hackles. My suggestion is that you go back to school and take some multiculti and women's studies courses. You should also take a basic grammar lesson because, though I fixed many of your boneheaded mistakes, I left a lot in just for fun. Failing that, perhaps you should consider leaving the Seattle/Tacoma area on your quest. This Sexy Single Lady won't miss you.

People generally send me questions, but this reader just wanted to make a little statement, so I'm going to let him:

I think the ultimate marriage would be with two wives that are bisexual.

Tom

Tom, Tom, Tom . . . me thinks you've been watching too many pornos. I know what you're imagining: Tom and two crazy bisexual broadsit's gonna be a nonstop fuck-feast, a Tom sandwich. If they're not rubbin' all up on you, they're going to be covering each other with saliva while you look on. Live the dream, honey. That's not the way it'd play out. Triangles are never weighted evenly. One's gonna be mopey thinking you like the other better, then you're going to be grouchy because they're hotter for each other than they are for you. Double your pleasure, my ass.

Besides, most people can't even meet one person that they love enough to marry. You want two? Isn't that a little greedy? It's also impractical. You haven't really thought this through, have you? Women who live together get synchronized menstrual cycles, which means they'll both have PMS at the same time, too. Guess who comes out the loser that week? That'd be you, Tom.

The reality is far different than the fantasy you're pulling your pud to. Instead of one, you've got two dames wondering what you're thinking, two women ganging up to make sure you never again watch team sports on your own televisionyou get what I'm sayin'? Some of my best friends are women, but that doesn't mean I'd want to live with onelet alone two.

Don't get it? Write Dategirl at dategirl@ seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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