April 915, 2003

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Your brand of tactless honesty is usually written off (and forgiven) as the innocent truth. "Out of the mouths of babes. . . . " Politically biting your tongue just ain't your style. However, since your frankness is likely to be ill-received this week ("He should know better!"), you might want to either learn some restraint or find a real baby (or babe) to be your mouthpiece for a while, and deliver the blunt candor you're dying to put out there. However, if you choose the route of ventriloquism over that of forbearance, just make sure no one catches you.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Grandchildren are meant to be spoiled. Some of your favorite things, like wine, cheese, and beer, are "spoiled," in a manner of speaking. I know this is just semantics, but the principle behind it is sound: You're walking a line of ruin with someone you know and love. Your fears of blighting the relationship with neglect or the wrong kind of attention are understandable, and you might want to just call the whole thing off before the "fresh until" date is past. However, I believe your instinct is valid; by allowing the connection to ferment a little, you may end up with vinegar, or it could blossom into a whole new—delicious—thing. Personally, I think it's worth the risk.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Your mantra this week is "No, you're wrong." Say it, often. Do not, do not, absolutely DO NOT nod and pretend to agree with something and then passive-aggressively do your own thing anyway. You will be called on it. Confrontation is your only recourse. If you disagree with something someone says or does, speak up! Your heartfelt opinion is worth far more this week (and most weeks) than any show of support. The task I'm setting you—speaking your mind—may seem easy, until I tell you about the other part: The things you may be required to comment on are those that are traditionally the hardest to be honest about: fianc鳬 in-laws, friends' artistic endeavors, and children. Good luck.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Next week is the perfect time to make peace with a bitter rival, along with anyone else you may have offended in the recent past (or near future). That's right—your ability to sincerely apologize, smooth ruffled feathers, or otherwise soothe bruised egos is peaking next week with the Libra full moon. That's not permission to just act out all week, wreaking havoc on your friends' sensitive emotions with brutal honesty or reckless behavior. However, if there are a few things you've been longing to say or do for ages but have been too polite or sweet for, this is a good week to get them out of your system.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

It's hard to run with your foot in your mouth. That's right, your own errant tongue is likely to get you into trouble this week, interfering with an opportunity you otherwise had in the bag. Just goes to show: Well-earned confidence is usually impressive, but cockiness only works in bed. It sucks to screw up during final negotiations, especially by saying something you really didn't need to say, but don't spend the whole week kicking yourself. Yeah, you closed a door, but there'll be other chances; your big mouth is likely to knock another one off its hinges in three weeks or less.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Back when I lived in Santa Fe, my roommates were sweet but irresponsible about certain household tasks—like buying toilet paper. Finally, after I'd been the sole TP provider for months, I decided to hide my stash in my room and see how long my five roommates went without buying any. I was amazed and disgusted at their creative fortitude as they lasted nearly two weeks, using rags, magazines, newspaper, and I'm loathe to imagine what else. You're engaged in a similar game of emotional chicken. Don't let it play all the way out. You really don't want to see the lengths your challengers will go to. Just give in and buy the toilet paper. It's not worth the angst otherwise.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

I hope you find yourself mostly amidst flattering candlelight or outside, illuminated by the light of the stars, instead of harshly exposed by glaring fluorescents this week, because you'll be enduring enough spotlight-intense scrutiny as it is. No need for the world at large to perceive what are, in fact, only minor blemishes and flaws. We know you're not perfect, and anyway, you're usually humble enough to admit as much. But we still like to believe in your near-perfection, if only because it makes our world prettier and more fun to be in. For all our sakes, downplay your defects this week, and indulge us in the glamorous illusion of your flawlessness.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21))

Whenever I'm feeling particularly oppressed by my relative poverty, it helps to remember the specifics of how I felt when I worked better-paying jobs that I hated; how my ambitions, dreams, and very self were being thwarted, and the amount of money I got in exchange was nowhere near worth it. Similarly, a choice you've made is weighing heavily on you, because the shittiness of the present moment is eclipsing the crappy stuff you had to deal with before your life change. Meanwhile, all the good stuff from way back then is shining forth. Before you let romantic nostalgia carry you unhealthily backward, remember—really remember—how awful that time was, and why you made your decision. You're on the path; stick to it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You marshal the best combination of high activity with least high-strung personality. You manage to be incessantly on the go while staying eminently laid-back and relaxed at all times. (What people don't know is that you are chronically late to all your obligations, but so what?) However, this week will challenge that emotional balance, as an ebb in your frenetic schedule actually causes your blood pressure to rise. Sometimes chilling out and improving your tan works for you, but not this week. To minimize the risk of meltdown, make sure your day-planner is chock full.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

How disappointed would you be to spend weeks striving toward a treasure just to find it's as cheap as an aquarium decoration? All the gold is just painted on. Unfortunately, that may be similar to what you experience this week. Still, all is not lost. You didn't come all this way for nothing. If you're astute (and have a clever astrologer to tip you off), you'll soon realize that the fortune you've been aiming for all this time is just an ingenious distraction. The real treasure is buried right nearby. Dig it up, sweet Cap. You earned it.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Your chief talent has almost entered the realm of the paranormal. You may not have the ability to fly, breathe underwater, or talk to animals, but the skills you've developed are nearly as good. That's right, you've practically achieved superhero status just by getting really, really talented at something. I'm not going to give you the lame-ass lecture about power and responsibility, because you know all that. However, I am going to share two other clich頢its of advice that you seem to have forgotten: 1. Use it or lose it. 2. God(dess) helps those who help themselves.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You've often said the primary difference between you and crazy people is volume. Although your statement was made mostly tongue-in-cheek, I hope it's more than half-true, because the universe is demanding that you make a stab at really expanding to fulfill your full potential—and that's going to require some slightly insane decisions. Don't worry, you won't have to venture anywhere near psychotic-serial-killer status; your lunacy will be of the wildly eccentric variety. Just paddle down the mad river of your own oddest urges on your little raft of sanity. You'll get to your fabulously desirable destination without a single hitch.

 
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