Bite Me, Cupid

I must say that your article about prostitution [Dategirl, Jan. 22] seemed one-sided. Men do all sorts of stupid things for sex, and women do sex for all sorts of things. To say men and women are alike would be a lie. Without sex, men and women would have nothing to do with each other, but we are animals and the Lord has cursed us with the reproductive gene. If prostitution was legal, marriage would be a thing of the past and women would lose what advantage they have. I don't hate women, but the new 21st-century woman is a confusing creature and is after one thing—BBD (the Bigger Better Deal). We all need sex and relationships to survive. The whole girl/boy thing has become so convoluted.

Confused

Oh, you sad, sad man. Where do I even begin?!? I'm picturing you writing this in your basement bedroom at your mom's house. I'm envisioning brown shag carpeting, clandestine stacks of nudie mags disguised as end tables, pyramids of empty beer cans, soiled tissues scattered about, and a gigantic TV. Am I close? Thought so.

First off, of course my "article about prostitution" was one-sided—this is my column. Duh. I never said men and women are alike; but they're not separate species, nor are they from different planets, as certain self-help books would have you believe. Normal, well-adjusted people often have friends of both genders. Me, I've got plenty of guy friends I've never had sex with (and only one I'd consider doing). As far as I know, none of my male friends is remotely interested in rocking my world, either.

As for 21st-century dames being confusing—that's only if you can't handle a woman being your equal (or superior, as the case may be). Since you've had since the '60s to get used to this idea, l fail to see the dilemma.

The biggest flaw is your premise that women hate sex and only do it for the BBD. If you're meeting gold diggers, you're probably only attracted to those shiny blond girls who remove all their body hair and never eat. Take a good hard look in the mirror, and set your sights a little closer to home.

Let me tell you a little something about women and sex—most of us like it. My last boyfriend nicknamed me "Grabby," because in his lame opinion, I wanted it too often. If the women you're nailing hate it, I can only assume that it's because you're profoundly bad in bed. There are several excellent how-to books on the subject, and I'd suggest you march over to your local independent bookseller and purchase one immediately.

Your belief that legalized prostitution would stop people from getting married is equally ill-informed. People don't get married for sex (which is a good thing, because the majority of married people I know aren't having a whole helluva lot of it). And, interestingly, while prostitution is legal in certain counties of Nevada, Las Vegas (located in Nevada, FYI) is known as the marriage capital of the country. As for women losing some sort of advantage if the institution were suddenly abolished, again, you're wrong. Single women live longer than married women, yet married men live longer than their bachelor brothers.

On one point you are correct—men do do stupid things. Last week, a guy I was dating busted one of the all-time stupidest moves ever perpetrated on God's green earth. What this dude did was so crazy stoopid that it defies any rational explanation and served to banish him permanently from Judyville. However, he implored me not to write about it, and in a momentary fit of benevolence I agreed, so you'll just have to trust me. But man, was it stupid! And neither of us even got laid outta the deal.

So there you have it—as usual, I'm right, you're (mostly) wrong. That's my valentine to me. My valentine to you is the suggestion that while purchasing your instructional guide to schtupping, you also pick up a collection of short stories of love gone buh-bye called Dumped (Grove Press). In it you'll find hard evidence that when it comes to heartache, both genders suffer equally.

Love gone buh-bye? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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