Bad Manners and Foreskin

What's your take on the man who dwells on past relationships? I used to think it was a good sign when a guy could be friends with old girlfriends, but now I'm starting to wonder. My last boyfriend talked about past relationships all the time—I never met a guy who dragged the trophy case around so much! One former girlfriend, now his "best friend," he talked about pretty much every day. Once he came to pick me up at the airport with a girl he used to sleep with. During one rocky period in the relationship, he made Saturday night dinner plans with yet another ex-girlfriend. He even told me that a particular old girlfriend loved the taste of his semen—while I was blowing him! And I finally had to ask him to take me off his ex-girlfriend spam list. I really didn't mind the old girlfriends—I just didn't need the whole history. Of course, when I called him on it, he freaked and I immediately became the one with the problem—so jealous and controlling! I wasn't jealous so much as annoyed. Is this just naked male insecurity, or is there more to it?

Yet Another Ex-Girlfriend

Holy hell! Invoking the name of anyone (save certain deities) while his cock is in your mouth is not only tacky, it's wrong on so many levels that it's causing my brain to twitch and sizzle just thinking about it. Let's put that aside while I try to calm down.

There are many people who maintain friendships with their exes. For the most part, I'm not one. Sure, I've stayed friendly with a few select guys I used to date (not full-on boyfriends), but that's mostly because they continue to make me hot and bothered and/or provide me with a safe ego boost once in a great while. Plus, I suspect that if I got really hard up, I could probably count on one of them to come over and do me slow and dirty in a pinch—men are neat that way. However, if, say, hell were to freeze over and I actually fell in love, these gents would be relegated to the back burner of my brain or kissed (with tongue) goodbye.

And this is how it should've been with your now-ex. Once he had a perfectly lovely piece of ass who seemed to like him despite his myriad faults, he should've shut up about the ex-schtupees. But no. Your icky little friend sounds like he constantly needed to reassure himself (and you) that he was able to find ninnies willing to have sex with him before you and he'd be able to find them after he sent you packing. Given his predilection for inappropriate disclosure, this is actually a practical tack, because if he keeps bragging about his ex-certified savory semen to future conquests, fond memories of sex are all he's going to have left. Damn girl, scenarios like that one are why god put teeth in your mouth!

This next fella wrote in response to the letter from the uncircumcised hooker hound (Dategirl, Jan. 22):

I was tribally/liturgically trimmed on the eighth day of my life. Until recently, I occasionally (and very secretly) wondered if I had missed something by not having the opportunity to try the foreskin type out first. But a friend of mine who recently went through a formal conversion that included his bris (circumcision) at over 40 years of age (brave dude) told me not to worry and that I hadn't missed a thing. He said losing the foreskin was like a brand-new day to him. So maybe Mr. Foreskin just needs a trimming so he can wear his manhood proudly and, consistent with a new spirit, show it to someone special instead of a hooker.

Can't Think of a Good Acronym

Dude, that guy's foreskin was the least of his problems. He hates women, and lopping off an inch or so of his most private man-meat isn't going to change that. In fact, it might just make him more hateful. And while I'm happy for your fearless friend and his like-new wiener, I highly doubt the post-40 circumcision is going to be the trend to watch in '03. Ouch!

Ex problems? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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