Born-Again Virgin

Dear Dategirl,

With much trepidation and anxiety, I seek your counsel, O dating sage! I am a thirtysomething transsexual woman who has recently begun dating men. More specifically, I began dating a man who lives a considerable distance from me. We met online and have been exchanging e-mails on a regular basis and chatting on the phone from time to time. We have had one date in the approximate five weeks time we've known each other. When he showed up on my doorstep (no lecture, please), I was so overwhelmed by his incredible beauty that I had to jump in bed with him. He was by far the most incredible screw I have ever had, albeit this was also my first time with a guy. First question: Is it normal to fall for your first fuck and to subsequently elevate them to a stature they may or may not be worthy of occupying? Second question: Is it a bad sign when they insist on coming to see you, giving out the excuse that they are much too busy to have you come see them? OK, so that last one really wasn't a question. I am somewhat consternated with respect to this whole relationship dynamic that I find myself in at present and am seeking your advice.

Fuck Me Please

Hi FMP,

Welcome to my world. (OK, not exactly, as I've been a broad since birth and a nonvirgin since my teens, but still—we're all sisters under the skirt.) Sadly, it's, if not normal, at least possible to fall for your first, fifth, or 500th fuck if he's good enough. Even a seasoned dating professional such as myself has fallen for a big dick and a guy who knew how to work it. Why just a couple weeks ago, I found myself on a first date with a young man who appeared so awkward in a completely charming way that I canceled my plans for the rest of the weekend and spent most of it fucking his brains out. This boy might've seemed spazzy over dinner, but he definitely knew what he was doing for dessert. Frankly, it was shocking. In a good way! When we weren't rolling around naked, we went for walks, made out in dark corners, talked for hours, then fucked some more. I was smitten like a horny little kitten.

Then Monday night came, and he called in a panic to tell me he was worried about "us." Through a Nyquil-induced fog, I implored him to please relax as there wasn't really an "us" to worry about yet. I assured him that I liked him, ascertained that he liked me, and hung up thinking we were all cool. I ran into him while I was out with a bunch of friends a few days later. I was delighted to see him. He stared at me like I was something foul-smelling he'd scraped off the bottom of his boot. We made stilted small talk for a while until I finally fled the scene, completely humiliated. I'd obviously read this guy all wrong.

Sounds like you might've gotten carried away as well. I'd guess your stud is either married or otherwise engaged. The worst part is, he's not even a very good liar! It would take up far less of his valuable time for you to visit him than the other way around. Except he doesn't want you to see where he lives—probably because that lady sitting on the sofa over there is his wife.

So slow down. You just got your girl parts, and already you're a slave to your brand-spanking-new twat! The good news is that until him, you were, for all intents and purposes, a virgin (albeit for the second time). What this translates to is that you really have no idea how this guy stacks up in the sack compared to the rest of the world. You may pull a few other fellas and discover that Se�Studmonkey is actually quite lame.

If I had been realistic and thought of my guy as merely a trick, I never would've gotten hurt. Instead, I made the mistake of opening my heart up a little bit as I opened my legs up a lot. Sounds like you're doing the same. Stop it.

Smitten like a kitten? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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