About a year ago I went on a personals Web site and met this guy. He seemed perfect—intelligent, good job, nice looking, and amazing in bed. I was smitten. We dated for six months, during which time the "L" word was mentioned. Then he had to go out of the country on an extended business trip.
I proclaimed that he would be a hard act to follow. He agreed, and we wrote hot and heavy letters the whole time he was gone. A month ago he e-mailed, saying he would be back soon. He then proceeded to drop off the face of the earth! After I didn't hear from him for a few weeks, I got worried, started checking obituaries, and finally called his work, where I learned he is back. So, here we have a complete sociopath who strung me along for six months with intense letters, only to dump me now that he is back in the country. I realize I am dealing with a complete psycho, and I would be the nuttier one if I ever agreed to see this man again.
How the hell do I not let this ruin all hope of ever trusting a man again? I know I met him online, lesson learned there. But frankly I am not sure I can ever believe a man again. Help!
Off-Line & Off My Game
Ah, the sociopath—I know him well. So charming, so sweet, so clever—and so fucking evil. They should all be shot and peed on. Or at least tattooed with a warning so future potential victims can be on the lookout. I'm glad you realize you shouldn't see this shitbag again.
Please take comfort in the fact that these guys are few and far between. After all, how many have you actually encountered? (I exclude myself from this survey as I have a preternatural predilection for them.) They're pretty rare. And there are plenty of nice guys running around out there, but they're often not as bright and shiny as the psychos, so sometimes they get lost in the shuffle. You just have to keep looking.
As for learning to trust a man again, maybe it's better that you don't for a while. I'm not advising that you regard every guy as a potential cad, but don't be so quick to give your heart away. After six months, it may have seemed safe; but looking back, were there any signs you chose to ignore? The deadly combo of loneliness, a good-looking man (with a job!), and mind-numbing sex are enough to blind anybody. Hell, I've blithely ignored red flags the size of Oregon for far less!
Take a little time to be furious and then a little more time to get over it—no need to jump back into the dating pool when you're in piranha mode. As for meeting men online, it may have ended in heartache this time, but I'm convinced it's the wave of the future—but more on that next week. I have a more important matter to discuss . . .
I cannot wait until the next issue where I will again have the privilege of reading about your emotional state of the week. I sit here with anticipation to be filled in on the new trials and tribulations you will experience in the coming week. It is just SOOOO entertaining. When your new column hits the street I put off all my other duties, like dressing my cat Fluffy and watching my six soap operas, just to pore over your words of experience.
Keep up the good work! You're a Seattle treasure!
Thanks so much for the kind words—you made me blush. I know this week's column is probably a disappointment as I didn't talk much about myself, but I wanted to assure you that I'm doing OK. Hmmm, what'd I do this week—I went on a date with a hot guy, did a little more work on a play I'm writing, an old friend's coming to visit . . . that's about it. Overall, I'd rate my mood as a 4 on a scale of 1 to 5. Thanks so much for your concern, and give my love to Fluffy!
Questions about dating? Or about Dategirl's general well-being? Write Dategirl at email@example.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.