Yes, BRIAN MCDONALD, people. What, you haven't heard of him? That's because he's undiscovered. He is the local-guy-slowly-making-good who wrote, directed, and produced the film White Face, a mockumentary about clowns confronting racism. Racism against clowns. It's a parable, see? It won the best short film audience award at the 2001 Slamdance Film Festival and is still running on HBO and Cinemax. It is really, really funny. He is now finishing Mrs. Baker, a full-length film about an old lady who dies and then bugs a nice but possibly schizophrenic young lady named Abbey from beyond the grave. It looks scary. You may experience the fear at www.scotopiapictures.com.
Best New Restaurant
Let's keep in mind that I'm a poor independent filmmaker and don't get to go to all of the new places. I'm going to say the Kingfish, because maybe they'll give me a free meal when they see this in print.
Best New Bar
Again, I'm gonna say a place that's not new—the Alibi Room. Their bartenders and servers are hotties. And if they see this, maybe they'll think I'm cool enough to date.
They just tore it down, but it was the one downtown across from the Bon March鮍
Best Undiscovered Neighborhood
By definition it has yet to be discovered, so I don't know.
Best School to Send Your Kids To
Wherever they understand the concept of separation of church and state.
Best Place to See a Movie in Seattle
There's a place downtown where they only cost a quarter. It's the best deal in town.
Best Place to Shoot a Movie in Seattle
Pretty much all the businesses on 15th on Capitol Hill were cool. Except one. (They know who they are.)
Best Transportation Solution
Two words: water engine. Or, at the very least, bring back cars with fins.
Best Place to Sneak Off to After a Hard Day's Work
Martinis at the Baltic Room (gin, two olives, dry). That's livin', baby.
Best Place to Run Into a Movie Star
If I knew that, I'd have an easier time raising money for films. Every now and then, there's a Tom Skerritt sighting on the Hill someplace. He is also one of the co-owners of the Alibi Room and can be seen there sometimes.
Best Place to Buy Film Stock
The Museum of History and Industry.
Best Place to Buy Drugs
See answer for Best McDonald's.
Best Local Clown
J.P. Patches. And I grew up here, so I really do remember him. I ain't no poser, man.
Best Happy Hour
I wish I knew. I can't wait until this issue comes out so I can read what other people have to say.*
Best Free Entertainment
It's a little street I like to call Broadway.
Best Place to Rent a Movie
The two places where you can rent my film in town are Scarecrow and On 15th Video. So I guess it's a tie.
Best Place to Avoid Tourists
That place at the Market where they throw fish—no one ever goes there.
Best Place to Go Camping
I don't know where it is, but it sure isn't sitting in line waiting for another lame-ass Star Wars movie.
Best Undiscovered Anything
I know you mean a bar or restaurant, but I can't answer that. But I can tell you what should be discovered: We should find the rip in the space/time continuum that leads back to the "real Earth" where Bush is not the most powerful man in the world.
Best Restaurant in the Middle of Nowhere
I'm black, so I try to avoid the middle of nowhere. It's scary out there.
*If Brian loved us as much as we love him, he'd know that the gi-normous happy hour list on the Food page of our Web site has more than 50—that's FIFTY, people—happy hours from which he might choose. We work so HARD for you, Brian, and this is what we get?—Eds.