Best Sports Bar
MARY SHIFLETT
Brett Boone
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THE RAM RESTAURANT & BIGHORN BREWERY
(4730 University Way N.E., 525-3565)
A ram is so many things: A soft, horned male sheep. A constellation, the emblem of the Aries. A device used to drive, batter, or crush by forceful impact. A projection on the prow of a warship used to cut into an enemy vessel. A Dodge truck. A U Village bar where not-very-sheepish male students (who drive Dodge trucks and like to crush things) go when they are horny and unsoft and on the prowl and in need of a shiny new vessel to ride. The Ram Restaurant & Bighorn Brewery, a warship of emetic college culture, serves all kinds of brewed yeasty batter (if you can't decide on just one carb-load variety, order a tasting rack) plus a ton of carby food to attract a braying nighttime herd of carb-fed college cattle. C.F.
Second place: Rocksport (4209 S.W. Alaska, 935-5838)
Best Mariners Player
ICHIRO
A Japanese tourist I met at Starbucks described the three Japanese players on the Mariners like this to me. Kazu, he said, is a ladies' man. He has many affairs in Japan and is not good to his family. The Japanese tourist did not like Kazu. Hasegawa, he said, is a fine gentleman. Very nice guy who loves his country and pitches very well. He liked Hasegawa. Ichiro, he said, is arrogant. "I love Ichiro," he said, smiling. And for good reason. At this writing, Ichi (as I like to call him) is hitting .356 and has 140 hits, 72 runs, and 24 stolen bases. He's exciting, he's an icon, and his name is harmoniously perfect for chanting. If he could only win the Best Mariners Butt category, his domination might be complete. S.P.R.
Second place: Edgar Martinez
Best Mariners Player's Butt
BRET BOONE
After checking out the Mariners Fan Forum (www.forums.mlb.com/ml-mariners), especially the salacious and salivating Boonie Fest V thread, we were surprised that the second baseman had stiff competition for this coveted award from Edgar Martinez, Dan Wilson, and Mike Cameron. But one visit to www.bretboone.org, run by devoted Olympia fan Mary Shiflett, reveals from many angles (and one angel—see photo) why Boonie ended up running away the winner. "Have you seen how tight he wears his uniform pants?" says Shiflett. "Yikes! Also, that's pretty much the only side of him some of us have been able to photograph—he rarely comes close enough for a good photo unless you have a telephoto lens, and when he does, he pretty much has his back to the crowd." I don't think she's really complaining. A.V.B.
Second place: Edgar Martinez
GARY PAYTON
Anyone who voted for someone other than Gary Payton in this category is an idiot, period. If the category was "Favorite Sonics Player," there might be some justification in casting a ballot elsewhere; Payton's never exactly been Mr. Congeniality. Then again, would it be appropriate for the NBA's most tenacious defensive player to be charming and cuddly? His talent has never been in question, but the leadership and patience Payton exhibited this year with a Sonics lineup consisting of numerous guys barely old enough to drive was more than admirable—it was downright classy. But whether by trade, free agency, or retirement, Payton is probably not much longer for Seattle. Enjoy him while you can. P.F.
Second place: Desmond Mason
Best Seattle Storm Player
SUE BIRD
Electrifying. Unstoppable. All-Star. These are a few words to describe rookie point guard Sue Bird, who's single-handedly taken the Storm from doormat to contender in the WNBA. The 21-year-old proves that Larry isn't the only Bird who can make hoops look easy. Oh, and she's damn cute, too. M.V.
Second place: Lauren Jackson
GARLIC FRIES
The smell of hot dogs, roasted peanuts, and stale beer have long established themselves as the olfactory trademarks of the ballpark, but the wondrous bouquet of the Safeco garlic fry poses a significant threat to the old odor order. With an aroma equally beguiling to those who love their fries just fine the old-fashioned way as it is to those healthy/snobby eaters who normally frown upon the greasy little devils completely, the lure of the garlic fry is a potent one. Of course, if they merely smelled good, the flirtation would be brief. That they also happen to possess a rich golden brown color, a crisp texture, and a delicious briny zing means that this love affair won't be ending anytime soon. P.F.
Second place: Hot dogs
Best Yoga Studio
FREMONT BIKRAM and BIKRAM IN KIRKLAND (tie)
(1054 N. 34th, 547-0188 and 434 Park Place Center, Kirkland, 425-739-0880)
Luke 22:44: "And being in great agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground."
We can't promise a spiritual rebirth if you try Bikram Yoga (also called hot yoga or sweaty yoga, since the room is kept at around 100 degrees), but you'll likely think you've seen something through the haze, so tremendous are the results for those who can take the heat throughout the 26 mind-and body-altering postures. A.V.B.
