Just be yourself, KCTS. You've been living under the delusion of late that you might be Bravo!-lite, or A&E, or—god—the Family Channel. Your pledge weeks

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Just be yourself, KCTS. You've been living under the delusion of late that you might be Bravo!-lite, or A&E, or—god—the Family Channel. Your pledge weeks are horrifying. I know that many of the people who revere Showtime and remain glued to E! probably find you boring. But they'll never love you. They don't care for corsets, or plant life, or Sewing With Nancy. Leave them to their flashy conformity.

Some advice from one who cares:

Explore your wealth of programming options. Honey, please, you've got decades of material. Live a little. Pledge week just gave us the umpteenth rerun of that black-and-white Roy Orbison and Friends production—an event, mind you, that came courtesy of HBO 10 years ago—that you then reran another umpteen times during the same week. Don't get me wrong: I like Orbison as much as the next guy, but after five replays of that timeless yodel, even I'm considering reaching for the Kylie Minogue.

No more Andrew Lloyd Webber, Les Mis, or Charlotte Church. Stay firm, my friend. Fear of CATS is a very healthy phobia. That stentorian concert version of the French Revolution deserves the guillotine. And record sales be damned—the average intellectual sprouts hives at the idea of anyone once described as "the 10-year-old singing sensation from Wales!" That goes double for Riverdance or any international variation thereof.

Leave the self-help infomercial goo to Lifetime. Let us pay for our own therapy. If we didn't think we were all basically OK, we wouldn't be wasting our time with PBS; crappy network TV is a much safer distraction. Tell those grinning crackpots and their Ph.D.s to peddle their pabulum elsewhere. If I see that bald, be-sweatered, beatific Dr. Wayne Dyer talking about How to Get What You Really, Really, Really, Really Want ever again, I'm going to really, really, really, really explore the WB.

George Ray is cuddly, but he's no Einstein. I like George Ray. George Ray is great. What's not to like about George Ray? Your favorite pledge week and KCTS Cooks host can do whatever he wants—except discuss the aesthetic merits of your programming. It's very difficult to watch a gray-haired man rhapsodize about some Belgian adolescent with an Aryan smile who sings "Edelweiss." (And don't get me started on that kid again. Shame on you.)

This manic morphing into other networks must stop. Return from your delusions of "higher" programming. Come back to the channel 9, KCTS, KCTS.

swiecking@seattleweekly.com

 
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