Fifteen-second man

Dear Dategirl,

How long should the average man be able to last during intercourse before going off? I have asked a few friends, and one says four, the other says five to 10 minutes. One friend's husband can last as long as it takes for her to go off—usually 10 to 15 minutes! This sounds wonderful and unbelievable to me. I have never been able to have an orgasm by intercourse alone, because my husband has only ever lasted one minute (two minutes was rare). For the past eight months, he can only last 10 to 15 seconds.

I'm so pissed off about this! I've never had the hot and proper fucking I've dreamed of. I'm mad at myself for not having the nerve at 18 (I'm now in my mid-30s) to have asked if this was normal—I really did see myself as the problem then. My husband's opinion was that he was normal and I was the one who couldn't have an orgasm without oral/manual stimulation.

I have refused to give him any blow jobs for a while now because of this. He can last a very long time for a blow job. This really makes me wonder if his problem is a physical one that he innocently has no control over. I read in a book that it is a problem in the mind—spite, control, distaste, etc. What do you think?

Frustrated in France

Bonjour, Frustrated!

So you've gone half your life fucking a man who never lasted longer than two minutes? No wonder you're furious. I'd be homicidal.

A guy can go off half-cocked for myriad reasons. Some of them are psychological, but your boy should discuss possible physiological problems with his physician—especially given that his inside-you time has dropped off drastically. This condition can be remedied tons of ways (if you don't believe me, go to www. premature-ejaculation.com and see for yourself), but first Johnny Come Quickly has to admit that there is a problem—which is the root of your dilemma.

Instead of trying to work out the kinks in his equipment, your husband immediately went on the defensive and made you feel like some kind of a freak. You're not. Plenty of women rely on oral or manual stimulation to get off, even if they're lucky enough to have men who will fuck them for three, four, five, or 15 minutes. An orgasm's an orgasm, ferchrissakes. Other women can come through straight fucking; everybody's different, but I've yet to meet a broad who can get her rocks off after only 10 seconds of penetration. What is that, like one stroke?

Your husband sounds like a selfish jackass. I've dated more than my fair share of completely inconsiderate morons, including one who told me that he found women's genitalia "dirty," yet always had his minuscule member out when it came time for a blow job. This sexually dysfunctional closet case caused me to doubt my attractiveness and my sanity, and it sounds like you are, too.

However, it's possible that your husband's just wildly insecure about being such a lousy lay, and lashing out is the only way he can (not) deal. And as for you, holding out on the oral action is understandable but also counterproductive. What you two need to do is talk, and enlisting a professional (I don't count!) would be a very good idea. If your husband is unwilling to do this for you, then I would suggest you enlist a professional of a different ilk. Once Rent Boy's done doing you slow and dirty, hire yourself still another professional—this time of the legal variety—and give Teddy Two Strokes the reaming he so richly deserves. Good luck, Frenchie!

Dear Readers,

Do you jerk off more or less when you're in a relationship? My completely unscientific study found that women wank more when they're getting laid regularly; men pull the pud slightly less. My own boyfriend refused to be part of my survey, but I hope you all aren't as prudish. Please let me know your gender, sexual preference, what—if any—change in frequency of masturbatory action you note when you're hooked up, and why you think this might be the case. The person with the most interesting answer will get a special prize!

Dating difficulties? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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