Pint-sized paramour

Dear Dategirl,

I'm a 5-foot-4 Hispanic male with a height complex—you see, the woman of my dreams is a 6-foot-plus vixen. I love women I can look up to, and I don't mind if they look down on me. I just ended a relationship with a girl shorter than me even though we got along great. After I ended it with her, I decided to stop looking for love in all the wrong women and stop making exceptions for the shorter ones.

Now it's just a matter of growing some balls and realizing that maybe if I took the initiative with the tall ones also, I might strike gold. In the past, I've shied away due to lack of confidence. I'm the kind of guy who will be out in public and see a beautiful tall woman and dream of her coming up and talking to me. I guess I'm the kind of guy who wants the woman to play that classic role of "mistress in shining armor." I realize this is not how it works. In the past, I have not taken the initiative with tall women because I was afraid they would tell me to go away. The next woman I'm going to be with is a tall woman, one who will choke me with her beautiful long legs and I will give thanks to God for blessing me with a woman I can "look up to."

Short But Still a Stud Muffin

Dearest Shortie,

As your letter doesn't actually include a question, I can only conclude that you're writing me for a pep talk. And while—let's face it—I'm a giver, I do have one problem with the scenario you paint. There's nothing wrong with lusting over women who tower over you, but this sounds like a fetish. Men fetishize specific characteristics more often than women; I know men who only date Asian girls or redheads, or they can only get it up for a broad with huge tits. The predilections of some run toward anorexics, and on the opposite end, there are the chubby chasers. I know scores of men with psychotically exacting physical standards for the women they date, while most of the women I know will settle for a guy who walks upright and has a job. I myself cannot imagine ruling out an otherwise charming man because he doesn't possess some arbitrary physical characteristic I find hot.

But trying to figure out what in the hell goes on inside the mind of a man is a game that I don't have time for—at least not tonight. For tonight, in 40 short minutes, I have to meet my girlfriends for a night of all-boy burlesque! Yes, in one short hour I will be pounding back tequila shots and slipping dollar bills into some studly stranger's skivvies as he gyrates madly to Quiet Riot.

But I digress. Jolene, a tall drink of water at 5 foot 10, says, "I'm just not attracted to a guy I weigh more than or who I know will never be able fuck me against a wall. I hate feeling huge next to some skinny little guy." I generally prefer a taller gent, too, though you never can tell. While my current boyfriend stands a saliva-inducing 6 foot 4, the one before him was practically a midget (actually, more like a troll). My friend Sybil is a stunner at 5 foot 11 and was enamored of a man six inches shorter than her for years. It just depends on the guy.

So if you're hell-bent on being squished between the thighs of some sky-high amazon, you can probably make it happen. Women aren't nearly as shallow as men, and some of us even like being with shrimpy little schmoes we can overpower.

But do yourself a favor. Don't let the statuesque beauty of your dreams know that you are only interested in her because of her close proximity to the sky. Don't call her stupid names like "Stretch" or ask her what the weather's like up there. Instead, compliment her lovely eyes or her intellect. Try to charm her while you're both seated. I would also avoid telling her your "mistress in shining armor" fantasy— it's just creepy. You've got an uphill battle, my vertically challenged friend, and I wish you luck!

Romantically challenged? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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