News Clips— Heroes/Zeros

HEROES

ZEROS

Lucky Bellevue residents can now file crime reports online. If it's an emergency, they'll e-mail a virtual police cruiser to your net address.

The oddly named Fnu Lnu, sheriff of Washington's imaginary Freedom County, was arrested for impersonating a police officer. He'll only face second-degree charges because he wasn't very convincing.

U.S. Sen. Maria Cantwell and an all-female trade delegation got a warm welcome from Cuban strongman Fidel Castro. The socialist icon said he'd have opened Cuban markets years ago, "but those dumb Americans kept sending down old guys in suits."

Bankrupt discount retailer Kmart may be forced to sell off its shoddy goods at bargain prices. Well, it worked for Wal-Mart.

Weyerhaeuser has finally captured rival Willamette Industries after a three-year hostile takeover battle. Top executives celebrated by getting liquored up and shooting some spotted owls.

Mariner slugger Brett Boone survived a slow free agent year by settling for a three-year, $25 million contract. Guess this means just one lakeside mansion and two swimming pools for the poor guy.

 
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