SCARY MOVIE 2
Dimension Home Video, $29.99
THE FIRST THING you should know: This DVD contains an extended trailer for Martin Scorsese's potentially ludicrous, oft-postponed turn-of-the-century crime opus, Gangs of New York. I watched it five times before spelunking in the dank, putrid caverns of Scary Movie 2. Didn't help—the Wayans have conceived one of the most obnoxious, suicide-inducing DVD presentations ever.
The real horror begins and ends with the parrot. Perched in the foreground of nearly every menu screen is a CGI-generated, tuxedo-clad parrot. It was unbearable enough in the context of the actual movie, predictably spitting ghetto slang in a girlish squawk whenever an unlucky cast member walked by. Here, that voice is replaced by a nails-on-blackboard shrill Chris Rock knockoff. When you select "Bonus Material," the parrot barks, "You want to see the behind-the-scenes crap, huh? Here, I'll save you two hours," turns around, grunts, and spurts diarrhea all over the screen. Unsurprisingly, there are variations of this speech elsewhere on the disc, all yielding the same horrific result.
SM2's Easter eggs are comparably brown and runny. A few minutes of aimless clicking will, at various points, highlight the parrot's silhouette. You'll be "rewarded" with the parrot doing stand-up comedy routines that can best be described as Jerry Seinfeld meets Bernie Mac. The marriage is an abomination.
The remainder of SM2's minimal extras are devoted to the pathetic visual effects. One bright spot: Joyless special-effects supervisor Lou Carlucci divulges the recipes for those timeless Academy Awards ingredients: bird poop and urine.
MOVIE SEASON is slow right now, so you can catch up on French classics new to DVD including 1960's Purple Noon (with naughty Alain Delon), 1967's The Young Girls of Rochefort (with lovely Catherine Deneuve), and Bu�'s Belle de Jour (same year, same Deneuve), all out Jan. 22. The same date sees Kiss of the Dragon (ugh) with tiny Jet Li and Larry Clark's Bully, which raised hackles but stars Nick Stahl (In the Bedroom) among its scruffy, ill-behaving teens. If you didn't see it on cable, that Judy Garland miniseries with fabulous Judy Davis also arrives Jan. 22.