Daddy dearest

Dategirl:

I'm in my 60s. My wife died a few years ago, and I just started dating. My sex life has always been fairly restricted; I don't have a lot of experience, and there's a lot I don't know. I am also uncomfortable talking to a woman about sex. Two of the women I'm seeing routinely begin the sex act with their mouth around my penis. This is very stimulating. I am writing to find out how women feel about a man ejaculating when they are doing this. I have been avoiding doing this in favor of genital ejaculation. I know I need to ask the women about this. In the meantime, I wonder if you could share some information about this subject. Are there women who like men to come in this fashion? Do they spit it out or swallow it? Could you ask around for me and comment in your column? Thank you.

Old, But Still Willing to Learn

Dad! Ewwww! I thought we agreed that you weren't going to read my column! Haven't we always adhered to a strict don't ask/don't tell policy as far as our sex lives went? That suited me just fine. But you are crossing some serious boundaries here, and frankly, it's kinda grossing me out. But as you are now a reader (against my wishes, I might add), I suppose I have to (blech!) answer your question(s).

First of all, people over 60 who are related to me aren't allowed to have even the straightest, most mundane missionary-position sex—let alone hot oral action. These women with their mouths on your pee-pee—who are they? They're not my mommy! My mommy's dead! Where did you find these broads? You should be more worried about my dearly departed mother spinning in her grave than about spewing a love-load into some slut's eager little mouth. And if you're nailing (gross!) more than one skank at a time, I hope like hell you're utilizing condoms along with your Viagra. Your A.A.R.P. I.D. may get you a discount at the movies, but it's not a get-outta-jail-free card from the Centers for Disease Control. As for spitting or swallowing—if you're keeping it wrapped, it's a moot point. If you're riding bareback—which I hope you're not—it's up to the sucker. I personally consider it a bit unseemly to lick and spit; once a gal commits to having a penis in her mouth, she should finish the job with zest. And obviously plenty of women enjoy men coming in this fashion—otherwise they wouldn't be wrapping their shriveled old-lady lips around your elderly, yet miraculously still functioning, joystick.

Hooray for Dategirl!

At last I've found someone who agrees with me concerning the recent craze of women shaving their beavers completely off [see Dategirl, July 26, 2001]. I find this shaving a complete turnoff. I am a 64-year-old male and I may be considered an "old fogy" by some, but I'm still in good physical shape and very sexually active. In my mind, there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who tries to keep herself as close as she can to what Mother Nature intended, and that includes no outlandish tattoos or body jewelry and no inflatable tits.

On the other hand, I find a nice bush extremely enticing. Those that shave themselves bald look too much like little girls with boobs, and on top of that, they all look alike.

A Sexy Senile Citizen

Oh Dad, c'mon! First blow jobs, now bush! What's next— nipple clamps and ass play? What is going on with you? I grew up in a nice, repressed Catholic home! We never expressed emotion or talked about sex or anything else that might make us even the slightest bit uncomfortable. Remember how upset you were the first time I lived in sin? You wouldn't even talk to me for a good year. Recall, if you will, how furious you were after mom ferreted out my birth-control pills. What happened? You used to go to church every Sunday, and now suddenly you've morphed into some kind of beatnik, running around getting blow jobs and appreciating unshorn pubic hair. Please don't tell me you're going to those swinger parties, too! I've seen The Lifestyle—I know what goes on there. Far be it from me to tell you what to do, but can't you enjoy your twilight years with a little bit of dignity? Fer chrissakes, keep your pants on!

Pants: Keep on or take off? Ask Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.

 
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