News Clips— Heroic/Haphazard

HEROIC

HAPHAZARD

The Seattle City Council managed to successfully override Mayor Paul Schell's veto and will spend $638,000 annually for 10 years on five public toilets. At least this costly fix proves there are worse things than people pissing in alleys.

Defense attorneys for accused killer Sebastian Burns unwisely claimed that the triple murder he's charged with was actually committed by shadowy underworld figures. Not only is the theory implausible, O.J. Simpson plans to sue for theft of intellectual property.

Mayoral candidate Mark Sidran brightened Seattle's mood with a new campaign television spot featuring him with his mouth taped shut. The celebration didn't last long—later in the ad, he removes the tape and starts talking.

Rev. Jerry Falwell says last week's terrorist attacks happened because God was annoyed by the unsavory activities of feminists, pagans, and abortionists. Hey, were you expecting him to blame the carnage on ignorant religious zealotry?

City gun owners will benefit from Seattle's plan to give away $50,000 in new trigger locks through police stations and community centers. On second thought, maybe the cops should keep a few.

Telecommuting, or laboring from home via computer, hasn't panned out as a viable employee option. Sadly, this means millions of Americans will have to continue showing up for work.

 
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