We're disturbed—but not surprised—to see U2 whoring out "Beautiful Day" to any movie company that wants to use it in a trailer. And judging from

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The Culture Bunker

We're disturbed—but not surprised—to see U2 whoring out "Beautiful Day" to any movie company that wants to use it in a trailer. And judging from our recent excursions to the cinema, that appears to be all of 'em . . .

Much hubbub is being made about the 10th anniversary of Nevermind, but we'd like to point out a few of the other masterpieces released in 1991: Julian Cope's Peggy Suicide, Fatima Mansions' Viva Dead Ponies, Primal Scream's Screamadelica, Matthew Sweet's Girlfriend, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless, The Pooh Sticks' The Great White Wonder, The Afghan Whigs' Congregation. Good goddam year for rock 'n' roll, huh?

We'd like to bid teary-eyed farewells to Acetone's Richie Lee, Peter Maas, Aaliyah, and the Wetlands. Sadly, Bob Hope lives on. Will nothing kill that evil old coot? Dolores ought to just put the pillow over his head and be done with it . . .

Coming soon from the Mars Corporation, Dulce de Leche M&Ms, which we assume are basically Rolos in a candy shell. Nope, nothing wrong with that . . . In other confectionery headlines, we see that some bright light has come up with the York Peppermint Pattie Klondike Bar. As with the Mountain Dew Slurpee, we just wanna know, what took 'em so long? Her new record's hardly even out, but we've already had enough Bj�/B> to last us a lifetime. How come no one ever talks about Einar? And what about Magga? Or Thor, for chrissakes? It's like nobody even remembers the Sugarcubes. Say what you will about "Venus as a Boy," all we know is that Bj�peaked way back when with "Birthday," "Motorcrash," and of course, "Deus." And where the fuck is dEUS for that matter?

For those of you with a hard-on for Icelandic thrushes, may we recommend Reykjav???s answer to Britney Spears, the lovely lass known as Svala? Now that she's broken up with Spitz, we expect great things . . .

Gimme Indie Rock Department: Cardiff's own Boobytrap—Still the World's Best Single of the Month Label—continues its streak this summer with a stunning pair of ditties from the ridiculously underappreciated Big Leaves, as well as Cubare's double B-sided (and splendidly titled) "Punx Snot Dead, It Just Sux Now" b/w "If I'm Not Back in Ten Minutes, Avenge My Death." If you're not already Boobytrap SOTM Club members, we just want to know: What the fuck's taking you so long? Get thee to www.boobynet.co.uk immediately . . . Vet Sounds, the latest six-tracker from Fierce Panda—The World's Greatest Indie Label, Now and Forever—includes swell stuff from our hero Brave Captain, the wonderfully twee Tompaulin, and an excellent Badly Drawn Baby Bird One-Man Show kinda guy who goes by the name of The General Store. Very highly recommended . . . Finally, our beloved Spearmint are back with a delightful new album, dubbed A Different Lifetime. Fans of Pulp, Belle & Sebastian, or any band on either Sarah or Postcard Records, are well advised to check out this brilliantly wry romantic song cycle. The rest of you can go listen to Bj�. . .

Boy, those American Pie 2 girls sure seem smart. And btw, the Ass Ponys were our "Hot Band" way back in 1993. Good times, good times . . .

Rick Rubin's American Recordings is now part of the Island Def Jam Group. Karma is karma, as they say . . . Arlo Guthrie's daughter is way hotter than Woody Guthrie's daughter, which kinda makes sense because Arlo's dad was famous, thus enabling him to score hotter chicks . . . We're not really supposed to care about A Camp, are we? A Cardigan, a Sparklehorse, and God help us, a Varnaline. Sorry, but no one is going to get us to care about Varnaline. Ever . . .

Everybody—especially you sheeplike U2 fans—should read Hendrik Hertzberg's scathing senatorial obit of Jesse Helms in The New Yorker. In his useful and timely reminder of what a massive tool Helms truly is, the always on-the-mark Hertzberg manages to rip Jesse at least two new assholes for being a tobacco-pushing right-wing racist fuckstick. Glad to see you go, you smelly old Jew-hating prick. Try to have a painful death from lung cancer real soon, y'hear?

Speaking of crimes against civilization, we here at The Culture Bunker are instituting a boycott against Cosi Sandwich Bars until they repent for the creation of Squagels. Yes, you heard it the first time: fucking Squagels, the world's first square—square!—bagel. To us, this is a far, far greater moral sin than, say, embryonic stem cell research or human cloning. Who are the geniuses at Cosi to play God in such a fashion? And where exactly does the Pope stand on this issue? We're pretty sure he's with us on this one . . .

Sqwubbsy@aol.com

 
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