There's this guy who I know likes me. He's good friends with one of my best friends, and she told me that he's really into kinky sex. I'm not that kind of girl. On one hand, he's nice and smart, cute, rich, and reportedly very well endowed. On the other, he talks about sex constantly: We're talking swingers' clubs, rim jobs, cock rings, anal sex—the whole magilla gorilla! And we've only met a couple times! Even if I were that kind of girl, I wouldn't talk about it with someone I barely know! My friends think I should go out with him because he's got so many good qualities. But I don't want to have sex in clubs surrounded by strangers, nor do I want anyone's tongue anywhere near my bum.
What should I do?
Dear Nice Girl,
The fact that you're asking me what to do tells me that, despite his predilections for public sex and all things anal, you remain a little intrigued by Ricky Rimjob. There are certainly worse things than having a cute, nice, straight (he is straight, isn't he?), rich, horny guy on your jock.
Earlier this week, I had dinner with a couple friends of mine who'll be celebrating their 59th wedding anniversary this year. Julia was in the kitchen making tea when I asked her husband, Sidney, how in the hell they've managed to stay happily married for close to six decades. Sidney thought about it for a minute and told me that, in addition to really loving his wife, he liked her a great deal. The mutual respect they have for each other is also a factor, he explained. Then Julia came in with the tea, and Sidney left for parts unknown. I told Julia what we'd been discussing. She asked what her husband had said. I told her and asked what her thoughts were.
"Well, common interests are very important," she said. Then she was quiet for a minute and leaned in real close. "But you know what really kept us going?" she whispered in a conspiratorial tone.
"No, what?" I whispered back.
"Great sex," she nodded, sitting back in her chair. "Sidney wouldn't have told you that because he's shy, but it's the truth."
So you see, Nice Girl, no matter if you're 20 or 80, sex is very important in a relationship. Perhaps I'm inclined to tell you to give this guy a chance simply because my last boyfriend was a sexually dysfunctional closet case. Now that I finally have a sweet man who fucks me senseless on a regular basis, I'm like a preacher lady— I want everyone bumping uglies along with me (though not in the same room)!
But seriously, I doubt this fellow will try to get you to go to a sex club on your first date. If he does suggest it, you can tell him you'd prefer hot fudge sundaes and a rousing game of miniature golf—it's all about setting boundaries (sorry, I hate that word, too). And if you inform him that your poop chute is a one-way street, he's gotta respect that, or he won't get a taste of your sweet lovin'! Color me cuckoo, but I think dating a sexually adventurous man could be a helluva lot of fun.
We always have fun reading your column but were slightly confounded by something that appeared in your response on July 26. Our question is: What's "skeeve"? Did you make it up? Or does it have some obscure, yet interesting, etymology? Based on context, we came up with our own ideas of the definition. However, after searching every source we know without success, we thought we'd ask you directly.
J. & H.
Hola, J. & H.,
I had a little friend from a faraway land staying with me a while back who naively asked what we called washing machines in "my country." I informed her that we call them "skizzlewicks" and actually had her believing it for a couple hours! Alas, I didn't make up "skeeve." "Mr. Blue" at Salon.com just did a bunch of research on the etymology of "skeeve," which you can peruse at that site.
I did, however, invent a variation on the word. One who skeeves me shall forever be known as a "skeevotz."
Sex and/or vocabulary questions? Write Dategirl at firstname.lastname@example.org or Dategirl, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.