AMERICAN PIE (ULTIMATE EDITION)
NOW THAT WE have a comprehensive DVD incarnation of this inexplicable 1999 blockbuster, the obvious talking point is the deleted material. So what was too raunchy for a flick where Buffy hottie Alyson Hannigan practically "finished" the horndog audience with the breathless "One time, when I was at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy!" and Dude Where's My Car? thespian Seann William Scott chugged a beer full of ejaculate? Let's take a look.
Surprisingly, these outtakes are Disney-tame: Saving grace Eugene Levy mimics Jason Biggs' goofy striptease, while the four virginal protagonists deconstruct personal ads. ("'Youthful mind' equals 'dead,'" Biggs quips.) An interminable on-location documentary and Pie 2 behind-the-scenes preview are largely devoted to the cast laughably pondering the deep-as-a-pothole subtext of their roles. "Girls know exactly what they're doing," Scott opines of the sex wars. Uh-huh. Two, four, six, eight, date rape's sometimes A-OK!
Stunningly, frat-rock clods Tonic get a 10-minute featurette to caterwaul into one mike, Bon Jovi style, then babble about their "first slice" backstage. The DVD-ROM offers a "Rock the Potty" game in which you, as laxative-stricken Eddie Kaye Thomas, must pass gas en route to "delivering the payload" in the ladies' room. Funny, I assure you, is not the word.