News Clips— Sunny/Shady

SUNNY

SHADY

All glory to the tourism industry, which somehow managed to schedule a week of beautiful summer weather around baseball's All-Star Game. Unfortunately, due to their deal making, expect six weeks of rain starting Friday.

Tough guy prosecutors won a round when the bail for alleged bank robber Aristotle Marr was set at a daunting $500,000. Unfortunately, Marr just happened to have a half-million in cash handy.

Four Seattle City Council members boated down the Snake River to mend fences over their controversial resolution supporting the removal of the river's dams. Said council member Richard Conlin: "Hey! I thought we were going to Stockholm!"

Council president Margaret Pageler was recently heckled by a group of self-proclaimed "anti-racist whites." Demonstrating her commitment to equal treatment for all her critics, Pageler had the errant honkies dragged out and horsewhipped.

Amazon.com stock actually increased in value last week. In related events, rivers began flowing backward and a camel was seen passing through the eye of a needle.

Webvan declared bankruptcy after learning people don't really want to do their grocery shopping over the Internet. A spokesman says the company was merely "ahead of its time"—the claimed cause of death in the last 1,042 dot-com busts.

 
comments powered by Disqus