Encyclopaedia of Evil

PROSTITUTION

See also: Administrative Support, Appointment Setting, Convenience-Store¹ Clerking, Copywriting, Data Entry, Database Management, Food Service, Pizza Delivery, Telemarketing, Temporary Employment.

Once understood to refer solely to the so-called "oldest profession," the term prostitution has been extended in recent memory to include just about every profession. This wanton expansion of meaning has been particularly virulent among slacker/hipster types who simply aren't "down with" the "system,"² by which they usually mean they hate to work menial jobs that slowly grind down your soul until it's just a worthless and pathetically wriggling knob. As if the rest of us just love it, simply can't get enough requests to fill out bullshit forms and suffocate on recycled air while the radiation from our computer slowly makes us sterile and senile.

The question is, then, if you just know you're going to hate it, why get a job at all? Why not just hop from Metro bus to Metro bus, enjoying the sights³ of lovely Seattle? Why not insist that society support you for your inner brilliance and subtle sense of irony? Why not, in short, just refuse to work and, in so doing, initiate a heroic face-off with the conservative juggernauts that plague our society like oil company-funded scabies?⁴ But then, maybe you're just too busy watching Simpsons reruns.

1. Recently seen on a South Seattle convenience store: "Now We Sell Beer." Really, are there four sweeter words in the English language?

2. See also: "Kids Today, What's Wrong With."

3. Other favorite signs include the "Pacific Rim Center" (cue Beavis and Butthead laughter), the "Mutual Fish Co.," and, in the I.D., this gem: "B⮠Th預hone . . . AT&T 5 cents."

4. E.g., Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, and Ziggy.

Kate Shuster, Contrib.