PAUL SCHELL recently announced a two-year $1 million program to revamp our city's traffic signals, hoping to allay gridlock and ease congestion. "Anything to help shoppers get to Pacific Place in a more timely fashion is worth the cost," he explained at a press conference. "A world-class city requires world-class infrastructure—particularly in the hotel district." Seattle Weekly has obtained an advance look at his traffic light plan, along with Hizzoner's rationale for its bold new color scheme.
Red Go: "We wanted to be innovators in traffic management, to shake up old preconceptions. I think this is an idea that will earn Seattle the national attention it deserves."
Taupe Swerve: "Let's not be a city of mindless followers. To encourage an entrepreneurial culture, we'll let drivers turn in whichever direction they like. It works in Athens and Rome."
Mauve Park: "It finally occurred to me that we could maximize downtown parking by allowing people to lock and abandon their cars—above a certain assessed value, of course—when they can no longer make forward progress on the streets."
Ecru Drive on left side of road: "You know, I've always loved England—the tea, the history, those quaint little red phone booths, Princess Di. I think this will help make Seattle seem more Continental."
Chartreuse Pause to meditate: "Sometimes it's healthy to put your SUV in neutral, relax, and think about the things that are really important in life. Or make some calls."
Green Stop: "Self-explanatory."
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