The Pet Lady

Dear Pet Lady,

I have an 8-year-old neutered tabby. He has been our only pet. My husband and I are thinking of getting another cat. Our cat is very big so we didn't want to get a kitten. What about a dog? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

Lonely Cat

Dear Tab,

When it comes to cats, the bigger, the better is the Pet Lady's way of thought. A larger cat is clearly at an advantage in holding down a potentially airborne sofa or overstuffed chair, and also more difficult for a bird of prey to carry off. In the Pet Lady's neighborhood on Capitol Hill, a peregrine falcon lived for quite some time in the top of an enormous fir. This bird, dubbed City Hawk, made off with the two kittens newly belonging to the two sweet little girls next door, which—while teaching them an important lesson about Cruel Nature—made everyone melancholy, especially them. On the other hand, the feline population at the home of the dotty Cat Lady across the street received a much-needed thinning at the talons of selfsame falcon. But why is it that two little kittens of two sweet little girls are missed, while a dozen or so inbred, flea-bitten, cross-eyed, crook-tailed kittens may be snatched up and the world pays no mind? The Pet Lady leaves this as a philosophical question for you to ponder over your sherry.

Meanwhile, what is the source of your concern about a kitten? Are you worried Lonely Cat would crush it with his great bulk? And why on earth do you think Lonely Cat is lonely? The Pet Lady has seen cats be a great many things (vicious, disdainful, asleep, bird food, flat), but never has she seen a cat in a state of despair at lack of companionship. What about a dog, indeed? If there is one thing Lonely Cat does not want, it is a dog. How about some nice catnip instead? Medication can be helpful, as was the case with the second Mr. Pet Lady.

The Pet Lady

Dear Pet Lady,

Dog people and cat people: Shall ever the twain meet?

Love to love you, baby

Dear Samuel Clemens,

The Pet Lady finds any division of humanity into two groups arbitrary and inegalitarian. That said, no.

Best to you as well, ch鲩.

The Pet Lady

Send the Pet Lady a nice photograph of your fur friend. E-mail thepetlady@seattleweekly.com or use proper postage to: The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste 300, Seattle, WA 98104.