Fred & Courtney.

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Fred & Courtney.

  • Fred & Courtney.

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    The Culture Bunker's old pal Courtney Love recently felt the need to tell the world that she went on three—three!--dates with that oafish ass pipe Fred Durst and he didn't once take his stupid red hat off. Not even when she was sucking his puny little baby dick? We always knew he had no class. More to the point though, fucking Courtney should know better. Yes, yes, we realize she's obligated under federal law to sleep with the rock star of the moment, but how could she even consider fucking that fuck nut, the very personification of all the fatheaded frat-boy jackoffs that St. Kurt abjured with every dope-addicted fiber of his body? She might, however, consider dating that Joey "I' m too old for this shit" Fatone. They're the same age, and they both like KISS. If she's trolling for young stuff, she might want to hit on little Aaron Carter, who's kind of like a born-again (and we do mean born-again) Kurt, only without punk rock, tattered sweaters, and a drug problem—oh, and a soul.

    So there's a band in Alabama called Spoon that has been insisting the great Austin, Texas, combo of the same name—check out their very swell new Love Ways EP—simply give up the moniker. The Alabama Spoon (which is itself a fine name) says, "We have registered the Spoon name in Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, and South and North Carolina and are the sole owners of it. Not trying to be mean, but you guys aren't doing anything big. We are on the verge of making it big, so we are going to use the name. Hope you understand, 'cause you really have no choice!" Yeah, but which Spoon has been name-dropped in the prestigious forum that is the Culture Bunker?

    Good News/Bad News (or is that Bad News/Good News?) Dept.: Pavement have broken up, but Zodiac Mindwarp are back together. Woo-hoo! FYI, the Lil' Stevie Malkmus solo debut—you civilians get to hear it in February—is most excellent!

    Currently joining the Malkmus disc on the Culture Bunker stereo system: Slippin' Out, the super-jangly debut album from Delta (the Brummie Shack, if you will); Acetone's soon-to-come York Blvd.; and Oklahoma!, the epic Xmas opus from our beloved 8Spearmint. Plus, we're digging psychedelicious new singles from such old and new faves as Mover, Doves, Tenner, Clearlake, North Mississippi Allstars, and, oh baby, the Mull Historical Society. We'd also like to send out props to our new favorite emo band, Anti-Inflammatory. They're like a cross between the Promise Ring and early Knapsack, really.

    Moving on to the hell that is Hollywood, elderly superstar Harrison Ford has been linked with that skank Lara Flynn Boyle. He must be looking for a girlfriend he can fit in his one-man plane. And speaking of eating disorders, our pick for the next hot celebrity couple is Calista Flockhart and Johnny Knoxville. Personally, we'd rather take pepper spray in the eyes, but to each their own. . . . Did you know Jodie Foster and Meg Ryan have the same birthday (November 19)? Coincidence? We think not. . . . Dishwater-dull diva Aimee Mann is apparently most pissed off about the new Ultimate Collection CD her old record company threw together to capitalize on her current status as thirtysomething indie queen. "I personally consider it to be absolute crap," Aimee seethes. Funny, that's what we think about her entire oeuvre. In fact, we feel the same about her boring husband and all of his friends, especially that no-talent Paul Thomas Anderson, who will most certainly make the worst (and longest) Adam Sandler movie ever. . . .

    Finally, we'd just like to remind everyone that that fucking Ralph Nader cost Gore the election. Never forget, folks, never forget.

     
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