Forget Northgate, U Village, Westlake, Pacific Place, Broadway, and the rest of those "all in one" crap factories and saunter on up Pike—all the way up. Across from the B of A lies one of the most fertile consumer havens available, 1300-1400 E Pike. You're free to visit these esteemed businesses in any fashion you so desire, but if you really want to maximize your experience, the following order is suggested: Start with Capitol Hill Laundry. Toss in a load and move on (don't worry, if the locals are awake they'll look after your tights). At this point you can go one of two routes. Route one includes 2nd Byte Computers, Select Auto Sales, and Central Vacuum Service. (This route is recommended for "general purpose" needs.) Route number two consists of Starlight Adult Video, Signature Bailbonds, Xotic Tan for Adults, and the Artificial Limb Co. (This route is recommended for "specialty" needs.)
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For the last time, I don't have anything to do with Dungeons and Dragons! It's just the outfit. (Although I am willing to sell my autograph.)
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The stretch of Holman Road between Aurora and Greenwood isn't exactly the most interesting strip of Seattle (even of North Seattle), but the staff and friends of Gyorgo's Gyros (608 N 105th, 781-5514) do their part to keep things interesting, taking a page from the Lusty Lady playbook to make their punny readerboards worth watching for. The usual fare plays off menu items and customer submissions are welcome, though they've got to be at least as good as staff attempts—a friend's "101 Dolma-tions" didn't make the cut. After recent stylings like "pull over, I gotta pita" and other such riffs, we're simply atwitter waiting for some neighborhood smarty to come up with a good pun on "koulourakia."
Best place to go when everything on Capitol Hill is crowded
Since no one who lives on Capitol Hill can get into their neighborhood bars anymore, we're going to your neighborhood to party. That's right, we're going across that bridge and our legions of darkness will descend on the place that you call home. We'll be taking over your taverns, parking in front of your houses and in your garages, peeing behind your garbage cans, yelling stuff out of moving cars at your families, throwing trash on your front lawns, giving nasty looks and making nasty comments to your weirdo neighbors. Eventually we hope to drive up rents, move in next door, and then call the cops every 10 minutes because you're too damn noisy. Oh, and next big protest, we're going to have the storm troopers take over your blocks and tear gas your pets. Yeah, that's what we're gonna do.