Cherry: My wife and I have been married for eight years. Last year, she had an affair, which tore us apart. But we've managed to>"/>
Cherry: My wife and I have been married for eight years. Last year, she had an affair, which tore us apart. But we've managed to stick it out and got some counseling. Still, I'm obsessed with images of what she might have experienced, what she felt while having sex with the other man.
—Jealous and Obsessed
First of all, it should be pretty clear that I am not a therapist—haven't you noticed how screwed up my own love life is? That complete strangers ask me for help on intimate matters is confounding. With that disclaimer, I venture my humble opinion: J&O, GET OVER IT! What did Wifey feel while having sex with the other guy? She felt what anyone feels during sex: PLEASURE. Thrill that someone new was paying attention to her. Maybe a little boredom after that thrill wore off. And maybe a dose of guilt for cheating on you. Anyway, chances are that the sex with the other guy probably wasn't that much better than what she experiences with you. Otherwise, she would've left long ago. But if you're still worried that she saw firecrackers with the other man, I suggest you revamp your bedroom repertoire. Be generous and give her what she wants in bed. Go south and use that damn tongue of yours. Buy dildos, vibrators, and other sex toys, and get creative. In other words, bring her to loud, ecstatic orgasms, and soon she'll become obsessed with you.
Cherry: My girlfriend complains that I look at other women too much. I tell her that I'm just looking, nothing more. But she's still very jealous. I don't know what to do. I can't help looking; after all, men are more visual than women. —Eyes Wide Open
I really hate it when men claim they're more "visual." Women are just as visual, if not more. We notice everything—why do you think so many of us are so picky about what we wear? Visual, shmisual: You have roving eyes because you're inconsiderate. Loving boyfriends make their girlfriends feel like they're the most beautiful woman in the world. Sure, they look at other women, but they're subtle about it. When guys blatantly look at other women too often, it makes their girlfriends feel less beautiful, less desirable, and hence, less of a woman. So if you want your girlfriend to feel like shit, go ahead, keep looking at other women, especially when she's sitting right next to you.