Jon Spencer's pants.

If I could be one other person on earth, it would be Jon Spencer. If not him, then someone who looks, swaggers, and acts around the ladies like he does. I can't be sure how he acts around the ladies, but one look at him and you know it's badder than the way I treat 'em. I'm all about respect and love. He's all about chain-smoking and wearing tight leather pants. Not only does he look incredible in those pants, but he also fronts the baddest band in the land—the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. The album they released early this year, Acme, is—as you can probably guess by now—the baddest record in the land. But where most of us dorks would have stopped right there and basked in the cool glow, Jon decided it was time to remix the bad boy; he made Xtra-Acme USA with the help of some of his closest musician friends, like Calvin Johnson, Steve Albini, and Moby. The remix disc also includes some live tracks, because to fully appreciate Jon Spencer's leather pants you have to hear him sing in them. He's so cool that he got a stand-in to pose for the photos on the album artwork. What's more, the stand-in is Winona Ryder. She pulls off the disguise quite well. That may have something to do with them both being about three feet tall in real life, but dammit, Jon's the baddest three-foot-tall mother I've ever tripped over!

If you want to hear what John sounds like in his tight leather pants, tune into the Morning Show on KCMU 90.3 FM, Monday through Friday, 6am-10am.

Countdown: Worst albums of the millennium

Meat Loaf, Bad Attitude (RCA)—From his supporting role in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, the most overrated cult classic of them all (and cult classics are, by definition, overrated), to 1978's sales juggernaut Bat Out of Hell and its 14-years-later sequel Bat Out of Hell II: Back into Hell, Meat Loaf has had no qualms about making a complete and utter fool out of himself in public. Sure, it's mostly tongue-in-cheek—he calls himself Meat Loaf, for Christ's sake. But it's also, to evoke a completely different animal product, ham-fisted. And rock doesn't get more ham-fisted than the wretched Bad Attitude, which the Loaf cooked up in 1982. Made after his falling out with Bat Out of Hell composer Jim Steinman, the album still contains two of Steinman's idiotic songs: "Nowhere Fast" and the immortal "Surf's Up" ("And so am I!"). These are masterpieces compared to the stomach-turning likes of "Modern Girl" ("Gimme the future! Gimme the future! Gimme the future with the modern girl!") and "Bad Attitude." These songs are more than foolish—they're embarrassing. Even by Meat Loaf's overheated standards, Bad Attitude is half-baked and hard to swallow.—Michaelangelo Matos

 
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