Best escape for Anglophiles
I say, there's a good chap! Thanks, ever so! Indubitably, there are some among us who really did live out the advertisement for PBS in which, gauzed in by her four-poster canopy bed curtains, a young girl flirts with an accent she picked up watching Masterpiece Theater. We thought we could spurn the Darcys and Pips and Mr. Beans of the world, until—well, the advent of the Valley Girl. But when the cravings overcome us and we would like nothing better than to nibble a bit of hand-cut bread, a few radishes, and some marmite yeast, we know exactly where to go. The Crumpet Shop (1503 First, Pike Place Market, 682-1598) has been around since 1976, when it merely poured tea and served crumpets smothered in preserves like gooseberry and orange marmalade. Twenty-three years later, it's doing that and then some: cooked oats with steamed milk and honey in the mornings, crumpets with sweet and savory companions (pesto, cheese, scrambled eggs, Nutella, almond butter, smoked salmon), and perhaps the nicest, most brilliant homemade oat groat bread sandwich, complete with watercress, radishes (!), horseradish, cream cheese, red onions, mustard, salt, pepper, and cucumber. Besides the food, the shop offers a distinctive selection of loose teas (served hot or iced) for purchase and sipping, as well as teapots, tea infusers, and other accoutrements. This year marks the end of an era: Owners Gary Lasater and Nancy McFaul recently posted a sign announcing that they are looking for a buyer to expand the business, tempting us to nominate this gem for "best excuse to quit your current day job."
Best new dim sum
Here's a place that screams kitsch—not just the restaurant but also the newly opened mall that surrounds it: the Jumbo Chinese Restaurant (4208 Rainier S, 760-9200). For starters, the building is painted a cotton-candy peach. Besides food you get extravagant furniture, doll-like wedding gowns, and artificial flowers—all apparently popular with a certain segment of the southeast Asian crowd. But it doesn't pay to be snooty. The dim sum here is fresh and varied. You'll find all the staples: humbow, shrimp and pork dumplings, taro cakes, rice noodles filled with barbecued pork, egg tarts, stuffed eggplant and peppers, and much, much more. You'll also find some surprises, like pungent Chinese broccoli and a melt-in-your-mouth sesame bun that seems like the Chinese answer to cinnamon rolls. Dim sum is served every day till 3pm, and Jumbo's ample seating means no lines.
Best huevos rancheros
Ryan Ackerson and Katy Aversenti own and operate Cafe Venus (609 Eastlake E, 624-4516), a quirky, comfortable space with tomato-red walls and an offbeat assortment of space-age artifacts, including a Mars pinball machine. Of the decor, Aversenti says, "Both of us have always liked planets, and we're continuing the theme with a bar, which we'll add to the cafe in August. It'll be the Mars Bar—on Venus." Here on earth, however, is where huevos rancheros receive the most interesting treatment of this dish in all of Seattle. Beautifully presented on a base of gorgonzola-infused polenta with shallots, they're crowned with eggs as golden and white as a diamond ring. Slender slivers of carrot float around this treasure island, setting off the color of Ryan's fantastic ranchero sauce. Here's the secret ingredient: Ackerson roasts tomatillos, peppers, onions, garlic, and cilantro, blends them together with a touch of Ibarra chocolate for sweetness and drizzles it over the eggs and black beans. It's topped off with roasted corn salsa, and then comes the coup de gr⣥: a generous dollop of sour cream flavored with cumin, lime juice, and a little brown sugar. Si, si, si!
Best cupcakes with testicles
Say it with a vagina! Order customized cakes to celebrate your favorite part, pal, position, or proclivity. Wallingford's landmark Erotic Bakery (2323 N 45th, 545-6969) has been creating edible nasty bits since 1986 and has long outlived would-be neighborhood censors. Owner Richard Prado serves our city's prurient pastry needs by sculpting florid freehand penii in attentive marzipan; homologous female parts in gynecological pinks with butter-cream pubes and sweet gelatinous spuz. The gift shop is like Archie McPhee without the V-chip, with romantic love staples like penile pencil erasers, body dessert toppings, candy underpants, and bi-gendered butt-cheek wrapping paper.
Best reason to become a vegetarian
The main problem with being a vegetarian is a social one: If you make a dinner date with unrepentant carnivores, where do you go? While there are plenty of places to eat with fellow green gullets—Caf順lora in Madison Park; Carmelita on Phinney; the Sunlight on Roosevelt; and the Green Cat, the ARO.space cafeteria, and vegan HQ the Globe, all on Capitol Hill—the choices for those engaged in interdietary relationships are limited, to say the least. So three cheers for the Elysian Brewery (1221 E Pike, 860-1920)! Aside from beer, they've got some of the best French fries you'll ever eat: thick-cut slabs of fresh potato, golden and crispy on the outside, tender and fluffy on the inside, always perfectly cooked. For another, you can get these French fries with a delicious burger or with a couple of choices of vegetarian sandwiches. The most persuasive of these is the Camden Cheese Steak, made with a beef substitute called "field roast." It's not quite as good as a Philly Cheese Steak—few things are—but it also doesn't make you feel guilty when you devour it all in one sitting. And if all this health proves too much for your robust constitution, you can always sit in the smoking section. Try doing that at a vegetarian restaurant.
Best dead snakes
