How to seduce straight women

Whether you've realized that it's your sacred mission in life to convert het women, or just happened to meet one who turns your crank, these time-tested, deliciously devious techniques can help you pry open the straight woman's shell to obtain the lesbian pearl hidden within.

"Straight" women: Why would any red-blooded dyke bother with 'em, let alone want to sleep with 'em? Is it the thrill of victory? The lure of the exotic? Or the sense of duty that some lesbians have for perpetuating our kind?

If you are unconvinced that seducing het gals is worth your time, consider this:

* some of them are great people

* some of them are really gorgeous

* many of them end up being lesbians (after all, many lesbians considered themselves "straight" until they got a taste of sapphic sexuality and reconsidered their identities)

* if you love kids, many of them have them

* if they have a sexually inept boyfriend or husband, they will be thrilled with not having to fake orgasms and you could reap huge sensual rewards (perhaps monetary, too) for helping to unleash their capacity for pleasure.

Regardless of whether you view sleeping with a straight woman as an opportunity for advancing "The Agenda" (wink, wink), an exercise in practicing up on sexual techniques, an interesting diversion while you search for Ms. Right, or just something to do because it's a rainy day, you're going to have to choose your strategy for seduction. The task of awakening the unawakened straight woman to the reality of woman-love (and lust) can be challenging, yet with the right method you can turn a man-chaser into a woman-worshipper in no time!

Here, then, are six can't-miss moves to make:

1. Get her drunk. We all know about the loosening effects of booze; few substances can match liquor when it comes to lowering her defenses. Just be careful about the quantity—puking before that first kiss can be a definite turnoff, and it's damned near impossible to bring someone who's passed out to a violent orgasm. (Tip #1 works well with all other tips.)

2. Play hard to get. This technique works particularly well with the more self-obsessed, larger-egoed, or vain straight ladies. You must make sure she knows you are a lesbian. When she starts showing interest in you or commences flirting, don't freeze her out completely, but do feign mild indifference. If she thinks she's something special, she'll be amazed that you aren't hitting on her and will resort to more elaborate and obvious flirtations to prove she's desirable and how dare you not think so! If you play this type of het lady right, you'll be able to sit back and let her do the seduction as she takes greater and greater risks in proving to you (and herself) that she's hot stuff.

3. Have a baby. Straight women love babies! Either produce one yourself or borrow one from a friend. Stroll around with the baby and you'll find straight women flocking to you. When you see one you think will do, strike up a conversation about the baby, babies, motherhood, parenting—anything with a child theme. Invite her out, telling her you'd love to talk more about parenting and kids over a cocktail while "the baby" is safe with "the sitter." (See also Tip #1.) Steer the conversation toward your insights about how we all come from women, we all had our first erotic experiences with women . . . invite her home to explore these ideas.

4. Work her mystical bent to your
advantage. If you have your eye on a New Agetype straight lady, the right lines could create such a powerful vibe in her lower chakras that she'll be moved to explore new realms of beingness with you. Explain to her that gender shouldn't stop two beautiful souls from loving each other on all levels—including the physical—and that sapphic love knows no earthly bounds. Tell her you had a vision while meditating that you and she were husband and wife in a past life, and that by once again consummating your marital bond, you will prove that love is eternal and everlasting, regardless of the gender you happen to be this time around. Say that you've had prophetic dreams about how mind-blowingly blissful it will be when your auras unite and merge while making love. If she's truly spiritual or just plain tripped-out, she'll at least consider experimenting with a new form of communion with the cosmos.

5. Hang out at abortion clinics. Here is a place where you will be sure to encounter straight women who might be considering celibacy or, more to the point, sex without men—at least temporarily. They also may be in need of a shoulder to lean or cry on, and in the process of becoming that shoulder, you might be able to talk them into the virtues of gay sex: you're not gonna get pregnant, you need no annoying contraceptive devices. . . .

6. Call those "Just Friends" personals ads. "Just friends"? Right. You know better than that—these women are dying to run women-seeking-women ads but are just too scared to admit it. Play their game—call 'em. Hang out with 'em. Be their friend. Then, once they trust you, it will be a piece of cake to get them drunk (see Tip #1) and bring out their latent lesbo desires. Tell them that some of your best friends are lovers; friendship and love is a good mix!