Geez, what's up with the media lopping Seattle off the pop-culture map? Whilst sipping my margarita in a trendy Belltown haunt and catching up on

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The Metro Gnome

Geez, what's up with the media lopping Seattle off the pop-culture map? Whilst sipping my margarita in a trendy Belltown haunt and catching up on some lite reading, the Gnome was shocked(!) to see that the new Rolling Stone (the one with a frightfully pale Nicole Kidman straining for that Scientology Sexy look on the cover) disses Seattle's rock scene hard. In the otherwise enthralling "Rock & Roll Summer" feature, a map of America's "hottest towns" blows us off in favor of Boise! There's Potato State hero and exSeattle resident Doug Martsch singing his hometown's praises—see if we ever let your band play a 26-night stand in Seattle again, bub!

As if that weren't a stinging enough rebuke, the first issue of Starbucks' slick mag Joe (slogan: "Life is Interesting . . .Discuss") spells out our slipping cachet more clearly. On an illustrated map of our beloved country with cutesy caricatures where each important city should be, Seattle loses out to Aberdeen! Instead of a Space Needle, there's an old bag with a hair dryer on her head and some gibberish about the beauty shop owned by Krist Novoselic's mom. Hey Joe, I've got a better suggestion for your slogan. How 'bout: "Life is boring, which is why Starbucks rakes in millions selling overpriced coffee!"

The never-boring, forever-freaky Jim Rose helped take the Gnome's mind off all this unpleasantness, showing up for drinks in Belltown wearing the same shirt he'd sported during his previous night's appearance on the usually less-than-thrilling TV program Politically Incorrect. Mr. Rose traded on-air barbs with Rev. Jerry Falwell, then asked the notable Teletubby-basher if he wouldn't mind signing an autograph for Jim's mom, Mary. The mercurial Rev. came through with a nifty quip: "God Bless You, Mary, Jim is my friend—Jerry Falwell." Talk about your sideshows!

And while we're on the topic of sideshows, how about the freak that is the Seattle Times' music section? After last week's Fatboy Slim show, the Times decided to impart its prevailing wisdom about "electronica" as "Special to the Times" writer Mark Rahner described the Fat One's big beat. Obviously, Rahner has never been to a rave, or he would have known that a two-hour set by an opening DJ is perfectly acceptable (heck, the Gnome wished it had lasted all night!).

Other Rahner faux pas: not bothering to mention one record spun besides the Fatboy's own (did he recognize the classics by the Chemical Brothers and Underworld that Norman Cook played?) and use of the word "hip." Eewh. Rahner even committed the ultimate dance-music-critic crime: claiming that it all sounds the same! If the Times wants to join the masses in covering dance music, they should at least find a reviewer who has a clue. The Gnome is a Genius . . . Discuss. You betcha!

 
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