Lists of the '90s

The DNA Decade

• O.J.'s blood
• Jurassic Park
• Thomas Jefferson/Sally Hemmings
• cloned calves
• Dolly
• Human Genome Project
• the dress
• Dr. Richard Seed

The Rise of the Eastside Decade

• Microsoft gazillionaires
• Cucina! Cucina!
• Modest Mouse
• University Village makeover
• Eddie Bauer
• Kenny G's Breathless goes 12x platinum
• "Better check with Redmond"
• WOMAD
• Nintendo 64
• Jennifer Dunn
• Kirkland brand toilet paper
• I-90
• Mike Frier road divider
• the new Renton

Things that became extinct in the '90s

• "independent" films
• "grassroots" politics
• "most livable" status
• Naughty Nineties
• Steve's Broiler
• Trader Vic's
• Penny University
• Food Giant
• the Dead
• busy signals
• "hyperactivity"
• feminism
• Netscape
• drug-law reform
• health-care reform
• education reform
• grazing-fees reform
• water-rights reform
• Teamsters reform
• tort reform
• the peace dividend
• the '60s
• affirmative action
• Longacres
• black-and-white newspapers
• Ross Shafer
• tourist-free REI shopping

The Fat Decade

• Biggie Smalls
• Teletubbies
• Chris Farley
• Drew Carey
• Rosie O'Donnell
• Monica's thighs
• Bill's appetite
• Newman
• Rush Limbaugh
• Stuffed-crust pizza
• Queen Latifah
• Cinnabon
• Newt Gingrich
• Cartman
• fat cigars
• phat
• Mitchell Rupe
• that woman on The Practice
• I lost 40 lbs. in three weeks! Ask me how!

Things we can't do anymore on account of the '90s

• discharge fireworks
• eat at Dag's or the Doghouse
• order "a beer" or "a cup of coffee" without being handed a list
• expect to retire from
• Boeing
• block an intersection
• sit on the sidewalk
• make noise in Pioneer Square
• buy malt liquor in Pioneer Square
• live in Belltown on an artist's salary
• make fun of "geeks"
• play in a band just for fun
• watch the Sonics at the Tacoma Dome
• complain that there's no place to go out in Seattle
• walk cheerfully up Pike Street and expect to be propositioned for sex, drugs, or meat still bearing the Safeway sticker
• enjoy yourself in the Apple Theater, the Midtown, or the Downtown
• advertise your show on a telephone pole
• bring a gun along to your divorce hearing at the King County Courthouse
• enjoy a $2 movie at the UA 150
• play Hacky Sack in the middle of Pine Street
• call anyone for a quarter
• read a copy of Eastsideweek

'90s bright ideas

• OS-2
• OK Cola
• Microsoft Bob
• the Newton
• Madonna's Sex
• S&L bailout
• urban villages
• the cashmere
• hooded sweatshirt
• pull-tabs
• the Newmark Center
• Mike James running for Senate
• diversity consultants
• casual Fridays
• Seattle Commons
• Contract with America
• CD-ROMs
• Brew Your Own Beer
• Blow Your Own Glass
• zero tolerance
• tall cuisine
• fusion cuisine
• cold fusion
• ice beer
• clear beer
• tattoos
• tattoo removals
• silicone implants
• silicone-implant removals
• silicone implants
• collagen injections
• condoms in high schools
• condoms in junior high schools
• Heather Has Two Mommies
• celebrity junkies
• celebrity blowjobs
• celebrity wanking
• movies based on comics
• movies based on toys
• movies based on comics based on toys
• hot-talk radio
• Hammer time
• luxury pickups
• de-penistrations
• penile reattachments
• penile implants
• the Goodwill Games
• "Refuse to Lose"
• "Not in Our House"

Asia-Pacific Decade

• APEC
• karaoke
• Nintendo Mariners
• Singapore spanking
• Vancouver sumo
• annual China MFN "debate"
• Gov. Gary Locke
• Asian fund raising
• Judge Ito
• Hello Kitty
• Jackie Chan
• Dalai Lama
• Hong Kong handoff
• financial collapse
• depression

the oral decade

• Eddie Murphy
• Hugh Grant
• milk moostaches
• Marv Albert
• the big creep
• Dick Morris
• Anna Deavere Smith
• Tommy Lee
• giant sucking sound
• Kurt Cobain

Very '90s ways to quit this world

• firing a postal worker
• giving a poor review
• to a rap CD
• sharing a latte with Nicole
• Brown Simpson
• paparazzi racing
• elementary-school shoot-out
• swinging in Walla Walla
• Waco BBQ
• Camp Four on a cell phone
• breathing in the Tokyo subway
• Hale-Bopp
• mailgram from Lincoln, Montana
• landing a plane on Viagra
• CBS' prime time
• Jumbo Jack washed down with Odwalla
• shoplifting at Safeway
• scoring an "own goal" against Colombia

Political Miracle Decade

• Clinton still president
• Saddam still in Baghdad
• British monarchy still collecting paychecks
• Strom Thurmond still breathing
• Carville and Matalin still married
• Norm Rice survival of "gunshot"
• Newt's rise
• Newt's fall
• balanced budgets
• budget surpluses
• Thomas Jefferson makes tabloids
• Wag the Dog's timing
• Charlie Chong's election
• Patty Murray's reelection
• Paul Allen's purchase of an election
• the Craswells
• Luke Esser

Inappropriate Relationship Decade

• Bill and Monica
• Bill and Paula
• Bill and Kathleen
• Bill and Gennifer
• Bill and Andy
• Amy and Joey
• Mike and Evander
• Mary Kay and whatsisname
• Bob Packwood and staff
• Mike Lowry and staff
• Brock Adams and staff
• buttafuoco buttafuoco buttafuoco
• Tailhook
• Ronald McDonald and kids
• Frugal Gourmet and helpers
• Pee-Wee Herman and self
• Henry Hyde and friend's wife
• Anna Nicole Smith and ancient husband
• Clarence
• and Anita
• Tonya and
• Nancy
• Woody and Soon-Yi
• Michael Jackson and young friends
• Bob Moorehead and congregants

Remake Decade

• Lost in Space
• Maverick
• The Brady Bunch
• The Beverly Hillbillies
• Flintstones
• George of the Jungle
• The Jetsons
• The Fugitive
• The Avengers
• Batman
• Mission Impossible
• Dennis the Menace
• Addams Family
• Mr. Magoo
• Sergeant Bilko
• Etc., etc., etc., etc.

The Rugrats Decade

• McCaughey septuplets
• Chukwu octuplets
• Gates Babies
• Babe
• "Baby Got Back"
• Baby Spice
• "Yeah, baby!"
• "Sonics, baby, yeah"
• Babyface
• Baby boom echo
• Babydoll look
• Baby M
• Beanie babies
• Dancing baby
• Fabulous SportsBabe
• "Hasta la vista, baby"
• Locke babies
• "beautiful babies"
• crack babies
• Nevermind